Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I Went Back to Ohio ....

A few years back I was born in Xenia Ohio....I went back a week after my city was gone in 1974. I let my dad drive, we were amazed by the devastation and by the new idea of microwaved nachos, still a food staple in my recipe...card. Oh! To help me heal, buy Travels with Roscoe.
If you do not buy this book you will alway dresdan the day you let oppurtunity knock and you said, "go away I am waiting for oppurtunity". My best JW

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Save the Novel

Having attained a level of respect as a literary publicist not to mention my success at the art of the review. I have started a project to help slow the demise of the novel. The title often sells the book (see Travels with Roscoe) so I have started a small list and hope to expand this list before I loose interest. These books need to have their titles changed, they would sell and we the few would not be so alone. Now Gods Debris had a great title and so did Gravitys Rainbow, but there are so many that could use a little help. Any suggestions would be welcome. Kind Regards JW

Of Mice and Men: A Small Little Bum and His Big Stupid Bum Friend

Hamlet: Omelet (really just a more contemporary name)

War and Peace: Read This Book Someone Took A lot of Time To Translate It So It Must Be Good.

The Sun Also Rises: A Drunken Romp with A Bunch of Bulls and Drunks

Gravity’s Rainbow: Really this is a great title, I read the book years ago, still do not know what its about, or what the title means. Bravo! Excellent title!

All Quite on the Western Front: Bloody realistic look at WW1 it Sucked to be Them

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Gods Debris

I posted this because I liked the idea and name.
I read the book online and it
was interesting.A good read, easy not to complicated

and although my earth was
not shaken it was pleasant to read
a book not conventional.
Its a quick easy read and worth a glance.It reminded
me of a number of books of
books I have read in the past except I understood
this one. Kind Regards JW

Gods Debris

Thursday, May 17, 2007

A Pirates Tale First Draft

Here is the rough draft for my next tips column, I made sure it was long enough to lull you to sleep, any constructive criticism would be welcome. They wont know what hit them if I present them with a tips column that's not like a monkey typed it speaking of which buy Travels with Roscoe here.

I sat reading The Log from the Sea of Cortez by John Steinbeck and Ed Ricketts in my Hammock on the back deck, a pleasant way to spend an afternoon. Along came a warm breeze and I noticed some lint was released from my navel and blown into the water. I reached into the water to retrieve the lint because I am not a litterbug, this stuff could be recycled, enough of it and I could have a nice turtle neck sweater knitted , what a comfort it would be on those cold January evenings. As my fingers dipped into the water I noticed a dark shadow coming from the water and then the giant mouth of a catfish enveloping my arm biting down and dropping back into the water in a few seconds I lost my arm to a catfish. Being an able seaman and a man always prepared for action who does not take guff from anyone man nor beast I grabbed my dive knife (I keep them strapped onto every available appendage which I advise all readers to adopt this habit, life is full of surprises). I dove overboard in pursuit of the Leviathan that purloined my favorite arm. It took sometime but I caught up to the beast , I could see in its eyes that it was afraid when I bit into his starboard spine and cut a hole in his belly reached in and grabbed my arm, I turned quickly and swam back to the Queen Annes Revenge it took almost all of my energy to swing myself over the gunnel and drag the big cat down to the fish tank below decks. I went to my work room and used my sewing machine usually used for sails but it worked just fine and within a few frantic minutes my arm was back on, good as new! I noticed something was wrong and chuckled to my self, you big dope! So I cut the stitches and reattached my arm right side up, what was I thinking? I took a pull of some grog to help temper the adrenaline and turned my attention to the beast in the tank. The poor fish was looking a little punk so I poured some grog in the water and then used my leather mending kit to sew him back up where I had left the hole I had to cut to retrieve my arm. The big cat rolled on its side and gave me a sad look. I wiped my hands dry with a towel turning away shaking my head a little shaken by the entire incident, when I heard a loud splash from the tank and a booming voice “ avast you bilge rat, why in Black Sam's name dare ye attack me and then save me life”! I swung around and standing in the tank was a pirate, soaking wet, with blood on his poofy white shirt, he wore a peg on one leg.
I said to the pirate, "what"? The Pirate he sez "you heard me".
I said, yes I heard you but it did not make a lick of sense, a catfish bit my arm off and where is the cat? Did you eat little whiskers?
Pirate: I am the fish that you call cat and I am the living ghost of Samuel Bellamy! Not long ago I was Captain of the Whydah which struck a sandbar in foul weather around 290 years ago, all 143 hands were lost including myself, Black Sam some called me I prefer "Prince of the Pirates".
I replied thinking one of the club members was playing a practical joke on me, yes with that shirt I reckon you would prefer Prince, a fine and fancy name, I notice your pirate accent comes and goes, so who are you really?
Sam Bellamy: I told you Sam Bellamy or shall I say the ghost who had ambitions to walk among the common people again, until you came along and saved my life, now I owe you mine and cannot...nothing.
Bailer: Take off the mask and where is the catfish?
SB: I am the fish called cat I stand before you as Sam Bellamy, but I need a vessel to live in, a person, not a fish, do you have any idea how bad the food is on the bottom of a lake? So if you must know and after having watched you for several months, I know you will keep asking the same questions blah blah blah you go, arrr....
Bailer: OK so what gives?
SB: See I told ya questions,questions, questions, your one of those obsessive types aren't you?
Bailer: What?
SB: OK I give up, I'll tell you my story, you sure your not with the Inquisition? As I said I am Sam Bellamy Prince of the Pirates and I beg your pardon if you don't get all sarcastic with my nick name, its a fine name and I beg you not to make fun of me, it hurts my feelings.
Where was I? Oh I am a ghost ya know, does that scare ya? eh?
Bailer: Yes Prince of the Pirates is a ghost, I'm petrified so get on with it Peggi!
SB: There you go again, be so kind as to consider my feelings. Now As I said I died young, aged 29 years if my counting' is right, I have been a ghost ever since, invisible for 245 years when I found this place nearly...a bunch of years ago. You see I have learned from my studies of latitude and longitude or is it longitude and latitude? If you take the numbers and divided and multiplied with the proper numbers it will equal the exact location of "Pirates Penance" (a place of refuge and a place to begin again as a mortal) and after running the numbers this way and that I discovered, this lake is "Pirates Penance"! Only place like it on earth, so I came for the gathering and it is beginning, why these parts are rife with pirates, or should I say pirate ghosts seeking a new beginning.
I saw you roll your eyes, don't scoff at my words, think about this, you never hear it on the news, why? Because Indiana does not want to be known as the living dead pirate capitol of the world, why Eagle Ocean makes the Caribbean look like Kansas, Ha! Speaking of Kansas lets mention the Great Lakes and Pirates, nope none to mention, they may have rough waters and ship wreaks but pirates? I think not, not the proper longitude nor latitude. The Bermuda Triangle, balderdash! They are just trying to keep up with the pirate triangle of Eagle Ocean, poor jealous souls.
Bailer: So say this is “Pirates Penance” why are you the only pirate I see? I guess you’re the one that has been leaving all the notes with tips and I suspect you know something of the Tailer gone missing mystery.
SB: Oh its no mystery , Tailer I know where Tailer is, don’t you worry about that. After what you done to me I realize how much I liked Tailer, compared to you he was my best friend.
Bailer: OK, turn back into the catfish with me watching and maybe I will listen.
SB: OK, you watching?….Splash!
Bailer: Huh? Do it again.
SB: I’m not a circus act.
Bailer: I blinked.
SB: OK insto presto Fish! Splash!
Bailer: That’s cool, do it again.
SB: That’s enough, now do you believe me?
Bailer: Kinda but If I saved your life why are you giving me so much guff?
SB: Because I picked you out special I was going to take your body and put yours in the fish and you would be the fish and I would be you and none would be the wiser.
Bailer: I get it you take my body so you can walk the land as a mortal and I’m stuck eating stink bait off fisherman's hooks while they swill beer and talk about “old Joe”. That is selfish but you are a pirate and all. Aha! I figured out why you chose me, I must say I do feel a little flattered.
SB: You know why I chose you eh, why then?
Bailer: Because I am one of the most respected members of the club not to mention Hollywood handsome.
SB: Ha, that’s the first real laugh I have had in centuries, I chose you because I recognized you as a crackpot and no one would think anything was fishy if you acted out of character, the entire club is used to your aberrant, behavior… I could go about my business and not play a part, I could be myself and no one would suspect. But nooo you had to save my life and now I cannot take over your body but I am bound to be your servant, pirates code…uhh acid reflux…uck.
Bailer: My servant eh, well that works out well because my personal assistants went missing and I need some help around here, first task, fix my generators.
SB: If I could go missing believe me I would, I envy your crew , personal assistants, servant or not do not ever call me a “personal assistant” I’m a pirate for the love of me show some respect and by the way the generators are fixed and running.
Bailer: Fixed and running I don’t hear them?
SB: That’s because I put a muffler on them and added oil, motor oil not lard, who does your maintenance?
Bailer: I had a muffler on them, I put them on myself and the lard, whats the big diff?
SB: An empty beer can is not a muffler.
Bailer: Lay off servant! Hey my blender works, want a boat drink?
SB: Nay, I am a ghost remember?
Bailer: Whats with your accent?
SB: I’ve been roving this world for over 300 years I don’t always talk like a pirate and for that I am ashamed, so it goes. What I will tell you is there are over 500 pirate ghosts wandering around this area and of all the fool ideas I ever heard was the pirates code, I have to protect the one that saved my life. So listen close, here are three words to scare off pirate ghosts, “Git Gone Pirates”! Remember this it will save you from being taken by one of the ghosts and save me from wandering the earth forever living as a fish. Pirates curse and all.
Bailer: What a crock, jokes over “ Git Gone Pirates”!

The trees shook, boats rocked the water boiled, birds fell from the sky!

Bailer: Hmmm that was cool! So you’re my servant and you have to protect me and I know the secret words , I’m loving this, dance servant, dance!

Sam Bellamy did a little jig leg clumping and then I stuck up my hand and said “cease pirate”!

Bailer: So these are some fancy tricks and I could tell you did not like dancing and to tell you the truth I may believe you just a little, but if you are a ghost why do you clump and how can I see you?

SB Easy Holographs and other special affects, I used to travel with Houdini a few years back he taught me a thing or two, now don’t feel any pressure I do not expect to learn anything from you but humility, or should I say humiliation.
Bailer: Alright ya knave, how about conjuring up some tips for our club out here, I expect them now or in marina time when I am finished making my boat drink. Oh Sammy how about some tips?

Black Sam turned red in the face reached into his fluffy shirt and pulled out a skin with writing on it, some would say foreign. a few days later after I studied my test results the skin was from the dried skin of a Giant Sloth (long extinct) the language was easy to translate it turned out to be American and the most puzzling part was the ink was from a sharpie, not a Walmart sharpie but an art store quality sharpie. Odd I thought I have to get back to the lab, I am doing some other research and Black Sam has some important questions to answer.
Before I start drilling Black Sam for answers I share these tips to study, there will be a test for a change of pace just so I know you are keeping up with your studies, it will be multiple choice so don’t sweat it. Kind Regards Bailer
# Come out on a weekday and just laze around the lake even if it's a no-wind morning.
# Lie to your boss and if you are the boss lie to your subordinates.
# We're on your way home.
# Think about how much your boat loves you.
# Buy two boats so there is more love.
# Move your boats when you are supposed to move them.
# Don't ever take your hands off the grinder handles unless you have a crew person to take over.
# If a ghost pirate comes aknockin’ remember the three words “Git Gone Pirates”!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Humilty is a Virtue

My sailing club puts out a newsletter via the interweb every month, I am the anonymous tipster, I share some wisdom then offer tips, I took over for Tailer who disappeared. This entry is from the May newsletter; I just finished the rough draft of the June newsletter, which I will post later so my friends on the interweb can point out embarrassing mistakes I have made. I wrote a newsletter 20 some years ago for a business and I as you may have noticed do not dot all my i's so to speak, I type and I print, I did have to have a industrial fan attached to the back of my computer to cool my spell Czech. Back to the newsletter I offered a free prize to the person who could find the most typos or poor grammar etc. Well it was the best promotion I ever ran, the winners were a married couple who for a living both worked as proof readers, they found over 100 errors on a page in a half newsletter! They even pointed out errors on the address label; I gave them their prize with out question. A bit humbling but so it goes. Soon you may have the same opportunity humble. JW
Remember to Order your Roscoe book here or your ears will fall off.

Photo taken in the forward head of the Queen Annes Revenge

This is the May issue its to late to pick it apart, June will be printed when I think it is time. JW

I cannot believe a month has passed since I last checked in with the club, let me assure you I have not been sitting on my duff. Keeping my boat in order, keeping the lab up to standards dealing with the FDA ,NSA,FBI,AARP among others let alone summerizing (opposite of winterizing) the boat is a job in itself, thank goodness for personal assistants. I have them to thank for keeping the “Queen Anne’s Revenge” running on an even keel. However , as my years of studing at Murpys Law School ,without fail something will go wrong, why just last week I lost two generators! With only one in reserve I have been hit by hard times. My boat drinks take twice as long to make because while powering my big screen entertainment center, I like to sit in my virbro-cliner watching funny programs laughing and slapping my knee. This all draws power not to mention the Mulligan stew in the crock pot or the hot dogger mini hot dog wagon shaped just like a hot dog, or the spot light to signal to all members, “party on board! The spotlight seems to work better at night but today I was in a festive mood, so I fired her up! All these combined I suspect cause my blender to run slow, real slow, it can’t even muster grind!
My personal assistant’s felt motivated because their refrigerator is not hooked up to my extra double safety generator, they were whining that they wanted real food, the salted mullet was “aggravating their hyper-tension” so they volunteered to find parts and fix the main generators, they hoped in the dingy and paddled off …Why they did walk down the dock and borrow my car? Good help is hard to find.
I was sitting in the sun the umbrella of my boat drink shading my nose from sunburn while I pondered; I have been back nearly four months and really not found any more information on Tailers whereabouts than when I first started my investigation. I sat up and said to myself, that ship of fools (my personal assistants in the dinghy) are not going to find any parts, I doubt they even find their way back! So I loaded up my Country Squire and steered my land Yacht to the nearest dollar store, or is it everything for a buck? I cant remember but I do know it’s the first time I left the club with 100 single dollar bills and returned with something to show for it besides a bunch of sparkles on myself. Well let me tell you and this is for true, I found extension cords for a dollar. Five feet of power for only a buck, I did some mental calculations and figured I needed about 75 cords to reach from the light bulb at the shelter house (I bought a screw in adapter to fit a power cord for a buck) to my boat and back again. I also bought some really cool sunglasses, plastic cutlery, cheese grater and a candle that was shaped like a Christmas tree. I had some dollars left over made a quick stop, spent those and back to the club to connect my cords and solve my generator problem. All for less than I pay my assistants in a week! Plus a few sparkles…Old habits are hard to break.
Well you cannot beat the dollar store or whatever it is called for deals I connected all 75- 5ft cords together, plugged them into the cool light bulb adapter and used some duct tape ($1.00) to fasten the cords safely to the dock. By my count, I had 375 feet of cord to power my laptop, which is now wi-fi friendly so I just go to the shelter house to connect. I trip on the cords some but it saves gas for the generators and will give me the luxury of time to fix them properly, not some crack pot jury rig, a real fix!
Well a few days have passed and no assistants or crew has shown up, me thinks they gone dingy on me. I sat on the back deck a nice spring breeze but I could not shake the feeling I should be doing something about Tailer, what should my next move should be? I need to find my relative and besides I don’t want that ghost of a pirate harassing me. I suspect he had something to do with the entire mystery. My deep concern and concentration caused me to dose off. I awoke with a start; a little boat drink umbrella sticking in your nostril will do this. I noticed I was in the shade and looked up and there stood one of the Harbor Masters, there are two and each one tells me to talk to the other when I start to tell them about Tailer, ancient peg legs, chamois centuries old etc. Harbor master I say whas up? He stares down at me and said in a steady voice, “so may I ask why you have the entire club in a spider web of extension cords”? I answer “well my assistants or crew left to find parts for my generators because I have to stick around and look for Tailer and I got these cords for a steal and well, would you like a boat drink”? “No, what I would like is for you to remove all these cords from the dock, this is a very dangerous situation you are putting everyone in and well…it just does not make good sense.” I say “So my wi-fi means nothing to you?” He replied without hesitation “no.” I asked “could you give me a week or so, to get things running on greased grooves and such”? A cold reply followed “ I am going to the shelter and unplugging your cord, you will just have to fix your generators and learn to adapt like everyone else at the club. I have never seen anything like this and please do me a favor, never talk to me again, talk to the other Harbor Master, I never thought I would say this but I wish Tailer was back, he was crazy but not completely insane.”
The sun began to set I was forced to read by my Christmas tree candle, (my emergency generator was running hot so I gave it a break) a slight breeze blew out the candle and then the familiar clumping, I hid under the table, the clumping approached stopped at my boat, I heard a slap like a wet rag on my deck and then the clumping dissipating into the distance. I waited a prudent amount of time then scurried out onto the deck with my coal miners hat on, whale oil fueling the flame (ever diligent in saving our natural resources) and spied what I expected, a rag with writing… Written in pig Latin, which I had to babblefish because this is one of the 5973 languages, I have yet to master out of the estimate of 6,000 still around I only have 5973 to learn.
It is said there are remote tribes who only have one person who remember their original spoken tongue, these elders are considered mute because they have no one to talk to, I aim to solve this problem. This one and where is Tailer? You know it’s the darndest thing but this sounds so familiar, that is what the ancient scribbling reads… (The leather dated around 850 AD and written with red wine “Merlot” I think, from the same period)

1. DO watch your speed coming down the hill to the main Club grounds. There is a lot of activity on the main driveway during these early weeks. As summer progresses, we host many youth programs and socials where our young sailors may not be paying attention to cars and boat traffic.

2. DO remember to lock the front gate after dusk.

3. DO NOT throw rocks or sand.

4. DO help others in need and DO bring your cameras to capture those interesting ramp incidences.

5. DO NOT throw trash all over the grounds. Bob Bodish WILL find you.

6. DO put your membership decals on your boat and trailer.

7. DO promise to think about racing this year.

8. DO attend more social activities. Bring a side dish for at least six people.

9. DO be nice and smile a lot and say HI to everyone. Introduce yourself to your next-door neighbor slip-mate and ask him/her to bring next week’s eats and refreshments.

10. DO sail more this year.

11. DO only empty your port-to-potty in the port-to-let waste station next to the Little Eagles sail barn.

12. DO buy something from the ship’s store to show off your Club’s emblem and support our Club.

13. DO NOT park your car or boat in someone else’s assigned spot. This often sets off a domino effect started by you.

14. DO check your fold-up chair for last summer’s spider’s nests, junk food crumbs, and last summer’s leftover aluminum can tabs

15. DO purchase a folding chair and plan to attend the spontaneous chair parties. A lot of useful information can be obtained by attending these gatherings...anything, from solving world affairs, investment strategies, or to why you may have done so poorly in the last regatta.

Friday, May 11, 2007

No Grand Prize

From the diarys of RoscoeLast night, I enjoyed a tasty venison chili. Later, feeling slightly bloated I mustered a burp. The instant I expelled, I also farted. In my life, that never happened before! I did not believe the cacophony possible without suffering some medical catastrophe. Indeed this event was special.

Alas, no strobe lights. No laser show. No master of ceremony to present the grand prize, Las Vegas style. Just fog. . . but, the dog sneezed.
Roscoe The book.


Monday, May 07, 2007

Double Vintage Exclusive Interview!

Another look at the more vintage interview, buy the book and smile...Kind Regards from Roscoes favorite publicist JW

20 Questions with Roscoe/Vintage Interview

Several years ago I interviewed Roscoe for a motocycle website that is now defunct. Not long after this interview come to think of it....Some time around 2000? I dunno Roscoe might?

20 Questions with Roscoe (Circa sometime ago)

Who is Roscoe? It seems all these titles apply....
renaissance man, inventor, adventurer and of course
crack pot. Roscoe has described himself as a enigma
stuffed in a condom and blown up with a riddle. I
could not have said it better myself. I have set out
to find more about this man by setting up an
interview, I will use the 20 questions format made
popular in the magazine made famous by its articles,

Roscoe: Hey Mister, you're from?... Leelee , show them
your... Wait! He said Playboy magazine right? If I
find out that you're another checkout boy from Coupon
Guide magazine looking for a cheap thrill, I'll get my
shotgun and run you off like hippies. When are you
going to turtle wax my camper?

1. Where do have the money and time to travel all over
the country living out every mans dream?

Roscoe: I know traveling in this great country,
especially with a good woman and a chimpanzee, is the
American dream. All I can say is that a I got lucky. I
worked hard and I was able to retire early. I cashed
out the business, threw the bikes on the bumper and
hit the road.

2. I understand you are tight with the Buddists, what
are there adult entertainment establishments like?

Roscoe: Are you thirsty? How about a refreshing
libation. LeeLee!... Would you fix this man an iced
tea refreshment. Say, would you like something a
little stronger? Possibly a tequila and Tang? I think
I'll take one.

3. Are you a crackpot?

Roscoe: Well, some have called me a crackpot. It's
because I took up the study of cryptozoology earlier
than most people do. It's OK. Bigfoot and UFOs have
their place in the scientific community. Some people
are not ready to except it. Others can’t accept the
fact that making dog houses from junk motorcycles and
washing machines is an art form. If that is so, this
crackpot is laughing his way across the country in a
new, used motorhome.

4. Do you ever wash your KTM jacket.

Roscoe: Yes, smart guy , I might live in a camper but
I'm not a heathen. Are you some kind of hippie?

5.Once while talking with John Penton he was offended
by my use of profanity so I was unable to set up a 20
Questions interview with him, so I will have to ask
you a question that I wanted to ask him. What does the
21st. century hold in store for the KTM line.

Roscoe: You got a little lippy with the master, huh?
You didn't ask him about using cow dung to paint the
floors of primitive huts in Africa did you? I heard a
story that he kicked a man in the kidneys for less. I
don't know why... The future for KTM? That is up to
the engineers. They are on a good track although, a
gun rack would be nice.

6. Rumor is you have a brother who has a massive
collection of broken motorcycles. Is this true and if
so why?

Roscoe: Ohh…That’s sweet nectar. I’m ready for another
Tangquilla? Boy, these are good.

7. From where do you hail?

Roscoe: There was this little guy in the WWE named
Spike Dudley. He stood 5 ft. 6 in., weighed 150 lbs.
but could sure take a beating. His buddy, the Big
Show, is about 7 ft. 2 in., weighs 500 lbs., comes out
to mop up the ring and save the day. They call Spike "
Little Show " but compared to Big Show, he really
looked more like a commercial.

22. Why are all your bumper hitches chrome less? (SP?)

Roscoe: We better take this camper to that big carwash
at the truck stop before you fire up the buffer.

8. Why is your middle finger painted gold?

Roscoe: That’s for flippin’ the Upitys.

9. Do you like designer leather clad, Lawyer Harley
owners? Why not?

Roscoe: Ride’m if you got them. Trailer if your butt
doesn’t have calluses.

12. Is Leelee preggers?

Roscoe: Where are my keys?

13.How did you meet Leelee and from where does she
hail, in other words what is her background? ie does
she or has she ever had a job/profession? Family?

Roscoe: I bought her a bunch of tequila sooters and
popped the question…”Gosh you're cute. Wanna buy a
monkey?, I said. It swept her off of her feet.

17. You used to be seen with a gentleman that had the
nic name of "Crazy Ace" what was your relationship,
and is he dead or in prison?

Roscoe: You know Ace? I saw him break the big toe
clear off a bartender for not turning the TV to the
Muppet Show. He threw it into his martini and drank
it. He’s a psycho…Not that there is anything wrong
with that.

18. Why did you by the majority of shares of stock in
one of the largest producers of Vienna sausages in the
United States and insist they change their name to
"Dollywood sausages"?

Roscoe: At an old job, I worked with a fellow that
would eat Vienna sausages and crackers for lunch
everyday. We asked him why... He replied "these
'vieenie weenies' are good. " well, I decided to get
in on the action. I scraped up some cash, leveraged,
called in some favors, and enlisted the help of
celebrities. Sometimes deals are made and you kick in
a favor to keep everyone happy. Sometimes the world is
full of sponsors and endorsements, look around.

19. What is your secret recipe for beanie weenies?

Roscoe: First, open a can of baked beans and take out
that squishy white cube. dump them in a pan and put
them on the back of the stove to warm up some. Now,
here is the secret ingredient... Don't use weenies.
Skillet fry at least a pound of bacon (I like it a
little crispy). Crunch up the bacon into the beans ,
add an egg , brown sugar, salt and stir like crazy.
When it is all hot, add lard to taste. If you don't
have bacon, use Dollywood sausages. Remember,
Dollywood sausages uses all of the pig.

21.Whats with the spats?

Roscoe: I thought I would dress up for a Trail Rider
Magazine victory banquet. As soon as I rivet them to
my boots, I'll be ready to party. But for now, I'll
just wear them while I watch N A S C A R races.

23. Do we have to conduct this entire interview with a
sawed off 12 gauge resting on your lap?

Roscoe: Like it? You never know when you will run into
road bandits. Didn't you say you were going to wax the

24. Do you think its wise to keep and open gas can in
your motor home?

Roscoe: Gosh you're cute. Wanna buy a monkey?
Whew!…That Cabin Boy is a funny movie. It’s got that
Andy Richter guy from Conan O’Brian… He’s a hoot.

25. Wouldn't you feel more comfortable being
interviewed with clothes on?

Roscoe: OK, OK, I'll get my coveralls.

26. Why do you keep ducking?

Roscoe: I live in a camper with a chimpanzee.
Chimpanzees do what chimpanzees do. If you were smart
you'd be ducking too. do the math, hippie.

27. That is Leelee's Mark Spitz poster isnt it?

Roscoe: Why don't we talk about my shotgun some more.

29. You have your detractors and they make claim that
not all your stories are factual, what do you have to
say to these charges?

Roscoe: Hippie, are you calling me a liar?

30. My research indicates that most great writers
usually write in the morning when they are fresh and
have a particular goal, say 2000 words of even as
little as a paragraph. What are your writing habits,
what inspires you?

Roscoe: I will write most any time of the day. I keep
a spiral notebook handy in case a good idea comes to
me. One could be good enough to write down. It's not
just the Journal of the things that we do or places we
go, I also write down ideas that might make money.
That's how I came across some of my past ventures.
Lots of people have good ideas but they just throw
them out. Look at here... Here's a page of food
cuisine. Pretzel shaped jerky sticks... I do some of
my best thinking on the commode.

36. What is you favorite word? no profanity please.

Roscoe: “Lederhosen”…Funny sounding, funny lookin’.

39. Are you afraid PETA might object to Tater testing
your Jet Pack?

Roscoe: He signed a waver.

28. Why do you perspire when panting is a viable

Roscoe: Hey… I’m wearing coveralls for crying out

31. I understand there has been some interest in
Hollywood on turning your life into a big screen epic.
Is this true and would you consider this selling out?

Roscoe: Depends on the percentage, market options, and
merchandizing. Just think, Roscoe action figures and

41. What kind of music do you listen to?

Roscoe: Leelee and I like that John Lee Hooker
tune…You know it goes…Mmm Hummm Umm , oh yeah…”I want
to hug you, kiss you and squeeze you ‘till my arms
fall off…” That’s our song for our intimate moments.

40. You have quite the reputation of being a ladies
man, what do you feels draws women to you?

Roscoe: Lederhosen.

46. What level of education have you thus far
obtained?(Honorary doctorates dont count).

Roscoe: Sour cream and onion flavored envelopes...Now
that idea is a moneymaker.

50. Why are you banned from Cracker Barrel?

Roscoe: When you promise a chimpanzee banana sunshine
pancakes, you better deliver on the banana.

Hey, that’s more than twenty. Tater, get this fellow
the mop. Where are my double-ort shells? Tater NOT
THERE! You better mop the inside too, hippie.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Racer X Gives Several Thumbs up to Roscoe

Our friends at RacerX had the literary acumen to recognize a masterpiece in “Travels with Roscoe” visit this site and scroll down to the familiar plumbers butt water color and read the plug, its really a nice plug…In the spirit of Hunter Thompson I send the single handed double thumbed fist to Racer X and good ole sleekpelt…Thanks gang, not to mention Repairmaual.com and Trailrider.com together we can change the world for better or worse, after much thought I think for the better would be for the best…JWW