Editors for hire, no pay, dangerous conditions

If you have visited my blog before you may have seen this cartoon. I have a new camera and program so nothing really works like it is supposed to (my way) so I used this classic cartoon just because I like to look at pictures and laugh. Now I have done this before and I will do this again, I am posting the rough draft of my tip column for my sailing clubs newsletter. I cobbled this out the other day and reread, realized it was a bit clunky so am asking for suggestions how many typos etc. Help me look smart, my pen name is Bailer and only the webmaster knows its me and his wife and the other webmaster, who else I dunno. I really don't sail that often, every time I sail I break something on the boat and if I have guests I don't have the patience to teach, so I have often just drifted with guests using the mast as the sail; a slow controlled drift, it takes a certain skill but I would not advise you to watch for it to become an Olympic event anytime soon. Most of the time I stop by the club on my way home from work and end up chatting with other people about boats or what not, in a nice setting, I did not join the club to fix my boat and yell orders a green crew. So if you have any ideas I am open to suggestions.(zen?) Thank you for your time and kind regards JW

This here is where the tip column lays...

The Mrs. visited the other day; she brought me some cheese grits and stacked enchiladas my favorite! She takes great care of me and always brings me enough food to cover the space between her next visit. I asked her to bring me those little micro-wave sausage breakfast sandwiches next time because I hate to think of her slaving away in the kitchen for me; besides I love those little gourmet saucers of pleasure!
I asked her if I could come visit or if she would at least tell me where her house was, but she reminded me that she married me out of love not because she wanted to spend a lot of time with me, her where about’s remains a mystery. I have figured out how well my behavior was on her last visit by the amount of food she brings, if she brings enough for a week then I know I must have spoken out of turn or created trouble on the docks. Sometimes she only brings food enough for a few days and I think, man o man Bailer you are one cool dude, the ladies love Bailer. Then the next visit I may get two weeks rations. She keeps me fed she keeps me grounded so to speak and in my eyes we have a perfect relationship. Ok, other than the fact that I do not know where she lives she refuses to live aboard with me and she wears a veil when we go out on the town. However like most great love stories ours is beautiful and complex not one of those made for TV love stories but one of those big screen romances. She is one lucky gal and so am I except I am a guy so I guess we are both lucky. Which brings me to my point. March is upon us and soon we can spend more time together, (club members) working together and continuing to make this a club to be proud of. I have been told this is one of the reasons I have been given the most obscure slips in the fleet. So lets not loose focus, lets continue to build a great club, if we keep the club attractive and we pay our dues we can have a good chance of keeping the club a home away from home or in my case home.

Tips and ideas for our club.

1: Pick up after yourself and put the aluminum cans in the recycle bin, this can generate money for the club and is a good message to every visitor.

2: Get you kids involved in racing, it is fun and wholesome, besides it’s a good way to trick your child into learning how to sail, learning a skill, we have some great teachers lets take advantage.

3: When using the portalet remember to close the door, yes it is easier to talk to your friends but in polite society...

4: Take your friends sailing show them the club, make them realize how cool this place is, we are a great little secret, so like all secrets tell a friend but make sure they keep it a secret. As the saying goes Three men can keep a secret as long as two of them are dead. We are proud of our club so tell them it’s a secret, making it all that much more special.

5: Although a great idea, I think the committee should sit on the idea of building a razorwire cage for Saturday night cage fights. Yes this could generate revenue but I for one feel this strays from the idea of this being a sailing club. These are my thoughts yet I am only one man and will stand by whatever the committee decides.

Sail on, Sail on Bailer