Friday, April 07, 2006

This Will Have to do In a Pinch

Roxi commented a demand that I post, I have nothing to post so I copied and pasted an email it will just have to do while I'm working on my latest project. Peace Trails JW

Subject: Why Can't I Own A Canadian?
  This is pretty funny

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice
people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast
resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do
some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific
and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is,
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to
him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made
two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to

the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
>> Jim


At 4:03 AM , Blogger Captain Carl said...

Arrrr.....ay dislike Dr. Laura a whole bunch......she is like the bad mother-in-law...the answer to a question nobody asked...

not bad post fer bein in a hurry.......funny pic too.....

At 4:10 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Cappy: Thanks I added a couple of more pic's to slide the script down past my side bar so I would not have to bother with reposting. It helped but hell I was in a hurry, like you said and thank ye. JW

At 4:10 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Cappy: Thanks I added a couple of more pic's to slide the script down past my side bar so I would not have to bother with reposting. It helped but hell I was in a hurry, like you said and thank ye. JW

At 8:21 AM , Blogger kellywalters said...

see.. when I demand something I get it..

Thats why I am sooo fucking cool.

I love ya josh...

When are you gonna come over to my casa and party with me and dan!

At 9:24 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roxi: Whenever you tell me to.

At 11:45 AM , Blogger kellywalters said...


At 12:08 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roxi: OK but hope I don't get a ticket. Meet me at the mailbox I'll be there any minute, just wait by the mailbox...any minute.

At 12:47 PM , Blogger Bloodgood said...

I dislike Dr. Laura a whole bunch too. I hade a boss that made me listen to her during the afternoons. It was horrilbe, that lady seriously thinks she has the answer for everything.
I think posting emails is a good idea. My uncle just sent me a bunch of flash pictures that when you move your mouse over them they take their clothes off.
I may have to follow suit.

At 1:58 PM , Blogger kellywalters said...

It got cold outside so I decided to wait with the ferrets

At 4:07 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Blood: Send the nudie pictures stat!

Roxi: Oh shit I forgot! I hope I am not to late but I was talking to Roscoe on the Ameche and he informed me about a show on the telly.Them TV people, they had a real live ferret legger! He told me(Roscoe) the ferret legger advised that women, do not stuff ferrets in their pants because they (women) did not have the "strength in their hands" to pry the ferrets off of themselves.

I only post the truth to help save the mass's. JW

At 3:24 AM , Blogger Roscoe said...

The man’s remarks were not pretty. I suppose a Ferret Legger’s life could leave one jaded. The program quoted an elderly lady witnessing the spectacle saying, “He’s not putting those Ferrets down my breeches.”

If you’re lucky, find the show rebroadcast on The Learning Channel’s “What Were They Thinking?” episode “Moving Violations”.

At 3:29 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roscoe: Thanks dude for the in-tel. I understand on the upcoming Trail Rider web site you have your own forum "Roscoes Hole" I also understand that my comments are automatically deleted...Whats up with that?

At 4:50 AM , Blogger kellywalters said...

eh.. my ferrets are friendly and just wrap around my ankles

At 7:30 PM , Blogger Le Chitelier said...

Okay, from now on whenever someone starts going on about homosexuality being an abomination, I am going to tell them how right they are and start citing passages from Leviticus... that should chase them away.

At 3:36 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Le: I've begun the habit of citing passages from Leviticus if someone starts talking to me while I'm busy head thinkin'.It works!

At 6:32 AM , Blogger Zen Wizard said...

That is hilarious, and so are the signs.

At 7:20 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Zen: Thanks for noticing.

At 3:44 PM , Blogger MAHARAJADHIRAJ said...

That was so funny I almost died laughing. Does the book of Leviticus say anything bout those who laugh too much?

At 4:40 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

MAHARAJADHIRAJ : Hell yes I'm sure!


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