Tuesday, February 28, 2006

A Bit About My Past




Years ago I was born in a small town which is now known as Calablcata, in Europe. I can not give to many details because I left in a hurry.
In my early tweens (I was eleven) I started to buy, fix up and sell old homes, this enterprise was semi lucrative for the first six months until I was given an old apartment building to renovate, well as the photo illustrates I clearly fucked up the job.
I could have stuck around paid damages and learned from my mistakes. I chose not to take the high road, I hopped a freighter for America ,changed my name, learned the American language and (hell I can't remember hardly any European) adopted a family. I am now an American with a strong distaste for the idea of fixer uppers. I try to make my living as a tangential book reviewer, a hard row to hoe but it has its rewards...I keep telling myself.
Thank you come again

JWW formally know as ha! Not a chance, that was the past and I am doing quite well hiding from the little devil.

28 Comments:

At 9:51 AM , Blogger ing said...

We all have our pasts, JWW, and so often they come back to haunt us. I detected something old-worldly about you; maybe it's because you're a man of letters? I don't know, but I'm glad you found your true vocation as a book reviewer. The rows don't get easier to hoe, but as my Ukrainian grandmother once said, you find more potatoes that way.

Keep on keepin' on, my fellow American.

 
At 10:09 AM , Blogger kellywalters said...

I need a monkey.. can you get me a monkey?

Do you even love me anymore?

 
At 11:28 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing: Thank you and I do love potatoes!
Thank you for calling me an American and not condemning me for my past.

Roxi: You can have Roscoes Monkey Tater! (Tater Chip his full name)

 
At 11:35 AM , Blogger crabcake said...

I was gonna ask you to help me add on to my garage but now. I don't know. Oh well, what's a few missing walls long as I don't have to do all the work myself, eh?

 
At 12:34 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

CC: I will never touch another hammer, its to painful to even discuss...

 
At 12:53 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

yo josh. i have been looking for you for years. fancy that you - my blog buddy and coffee table book reviewer - should turn out to be the same goon that built my apartment without any windows? i'm down with the kitchen being al fresco but dude about the toilet?

sort it out, champ...

 
At 1:12 PM , Blogger kellywalters said...

well I want my monkey now..

and I want her name to be pinky.. and I want to be the brain..

you know how we are going to take over the world tonight pinky??

 
At 1:32 PM , Blogger Roscoe said...

Roxi bats her eyes and you crumble. Give away your own dam monkey! Or better yet, let Roxi keep the poop flinger at her store. You both will rue the day, I tell you!

 
At 3:32 PM , Blogger Captain Carl said...

Arrr.....if ay had a hammer...ay hammer in the morning....la la la la......
well ay guess ya wont be able ta fix the Capts boat.....but maybe ya can review his story when its ready to be told......
can ye train ferrets ta be handymen ay wonder??..........

 
At 6:15 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: That was a long time ago, and I have trained "Tater" Roscoes monkey to be a handy monkey, he can put up curtains and stuff. Soon you will no longer have to poop al fresco.

Roxi: Roscoe is being pretty stingy with his monkey. Would you settle for a finch?

Roscoe: Why I otta!

Cappy: If I can train a ferret not to bite my daddy parts I can train it or them to repair your boat. As for the review its already written, just tell the story.
What price will ya pay for me tradesmen ferrets?

 
At 6:51 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Josh if Roxi gets a finch i want one too. No. No. I want 2 finches. Compensation for years of my arse hanging out the window whilst i perform my morning essentials.

 
At 7:39 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: Twenty Darwin Finch's have been given coordinates to your isle. All of them have a gold coin worth enough combined to in close your most private moments. They should arrive in a fortnight or two, give or take.

 
At 10:33 PM , Blogger ing said...

Can I have a pony? I've always wanted one. . .

 
At 4:26 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing: How about last year State Champion at the Indiana State Fair! I know where they keep it, I just dont know how many boxs I'll need to use to make shipping affordable.

 
At 5:25 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

An oldie, since we are on the subject of simians, I thought quite appropriate.
A small Oklahoma Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of
gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to
handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the
problem. The
gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla
available.
Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie
Standen, a large redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages.
Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample
abilityto
sat-isfy a female of any species. The park administrator thought they
might have
a solution. Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be
willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the
matter over carefully.
The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer,
but only
under the following four conditions:

1. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips."



The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.



2. "Second," Eddie said, "You must never tell anyone about this."



The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.



3. "Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised
Southern
Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed.



4. And last of all Eddie stated: "You've got to give me another week
to
come

up

with the $500.00"

 
At 8:00 AM , Blogger ing said...

What a hardworking young man! Josh, don't you think he'd make an excellent employee?

 
At 9:50 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing: I'll hire him if you think I should, have your received your pony yet?

 
At 11:25 AM , Blogger Bloodgood said...

HAHAA
I love it. I would loan him the money.

 
At 12:38 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Blood: Yeah hes good people.

 
At 2:00 PM , Blogger Captain Carl said...

ay....he'd make a perfect member of the Capts crew fer sure Matey......

I'll trade ya 2 Captain Carl mask an Janey's left(if I win it) fer your trade ferrets.........

....or.....

Carla can redecorate your site......

 
At 5:25 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Cappy: I need a blog makeover. I need to do a little probing but before I bid on the boob I need to be sure its not one of those hollywood stunt boobs.Hell if it works out for her I'll hire someone to photo shop me some man boobs and auction those bad boys off! JW

 
At 7:51 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

its not a stunt boob! its not! i hacked it off the gorilla myself, i swear i did josh!

 
At 5:02 AM , Blogger Captain Carl said...

Arrrr.....JW.....Ill see if I can get you in touch with Capt Carla......
There ya have it straight from the birds mouth....now about those Ferrets.......do they require a lot of food......or can they fend fer themselves.....

 
At 6:03 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: I believe.

Carl: Ferrets are stinky nasty vile creatures that can fend for themselves just make sure you keep your pant legs tight.

 
At 7:13 AM , Blogger kellywalters said...

and no.. it must be a monkey..

absolutly must be.. a monkey.. thats all.. I cant settle for a finch..

btw jj I sent you a special finch.. it makes great buzzing noices when you turn it on..

I heard it was a wonderful time from a stripper friend of mine..

but back to me needing a monkey..

I think I will settle for the fighting fish that are always dying over at the pet stores.. get me one of those and I will be happy..

btw..

I did that monkey before anyone even thought to check if she was pregnant yet.

 
At 4:57 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roxi: You did a Lesbian Monkey? Cooool! Do not flush your downstairs toilet for the next three weeks. I just flushed a dozen fighting fish down my toilet with directions to your toilet. So soon you will hear the cute little splishy spashy of fighting fish in your toilet. Your welcome JW

 
At 2:42 PM , Blogger kellywalters said...

josh.

I love you.

thank you for the fighting fish.

Did you know that they really like corn nibblest..

what?

you dont know what corn nibblets are??

the left over corn in your shit.. duh.

 
At 4:52 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roxi: Be carefull the fighting fish, may eat to many nibblets. They do not know when to stop eating. Your welcome, glad they arrived safe. JW

 

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