Monday, October 16, 2006

My First and Lord Willin' My Last

I remember when I was about eleven I was a bed wetter so my mom took me to the Dr and he suggested kidney problems etc. So I went to the Hendricks County Hospital for a tasty barium milk shake and then x rays. After the x rays the Dr was consulting with my mother and he advised her that I would be more than likely constipated from the barium. He then told her that I should take one or better yet two teaspoons of Castor oil so as to make me regular again, if that did not work then I would require an enema. On the walk to the car I asked my mother what Castor oil was and she explained that I would have trouble pooping and if I drank this oil I would probably poop and not require an enema. I then asked...Whats an enema....Long pause then a delicate explanation, then me asking again, more of the same. I could not fathom such a thing, I was in denial, honest to God I thought it was some sort of cruel joke.
So the next day its time to drink the Castor oil, well you know that shit tastes just like oil, it really is a vile viscous concoction of the devil or worse, so I went out on the porch and spit it out and then my mom told me I would need an enema if I did not poop soon. I just could not imagine this being reality so I just thought it would all go away.
Oh a day or two passed and no poop. I should have just taken the Castor oil.

Kind Regards JW

17 Comments:

At 6:02 PM , Blogger ing said...

I'm so sorry about your enema. Have you pooped yet?

 
At 6:39 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing: If memory serves, yes.

 
At 6:05 AM , Blogger Toby said...

My heart goes out to the eleven y/o Josh. I've never had to put any castor oil to my lips, thank the good Cow. I did however drink a barium milk shake a few years ago and was given a supository in case I were to get backed up. Luckily I didn't have a problem because the supository scared the shit out of me. It was about the size of a golf ball.

 
At 9:54 AM , Blogger crabcake said...

We used to have to line up regularly (pun intended) to take a teaspoon of cod liver oil. Cruel, mean, and hateful!

Oh and worse....epson salts! Ever had that?

It was hard growin up back in the day. Our parents think they had it bad walkin 12 miles in the snow, barefoot, uphill....PAH! Nothin compared to cod liver oil.

 
At 11:19 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

toby: A fine story!It could have back fired if it scared you shitless.

CC:Sister your preaching to choir!

 
At 12:22 PM , Blogger world champ stephen neal said...

That wasn't an enema. Here is a little known fact: If Stephen Neal makes a woman ride on top during sex, she instantly qualifies for the "mile high" club.

 
At 3:31 PM , Blogger Me said...

HAHAHAHA! HOw did it feel getting violated dude? Was it a male or a female that undertook the procedure?

 
At 4:49 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Mr. Neal: I do not want to talk about what is and is not an enenma.I have put back the pieces and tried to live as normal a life as I could.

Bostick: Well if you must know it was my mom. I come from a long line of do it your self types so my mum did not need a Dr, she just …well how bout the football of late now is that something?

We had a beagle (Myrtle) my mom noticed she was not doing well and she recognized that poor Myrtle was obviously constipated, so she gave her an enema. No shit. What’s funny is she was right, Myrtle perked up after the assault, thing is I think she used the same tool as she did on me, it looked like a toilet float with a tube on the end, kinda weird I bet but I loved myrtle. As for myself I have not been constipated since the event and as far as I am concerned there is no such thing as constipation, it is just a matter of will, if you have to poop well then by God poop, no excuse’s! I speak from practical experience, if nature calls just poop, if you can’t well to me it’s a sign of weakness. Weakness is for those who deny themselves the healthy habit of dropping a mud dragon at the ring of a bell…Kind Regards JW

 
At 1:02 AM , Blogger Mone said...

Oh Josh, thats so cruel. I was sweating already when mom came with the fever medicin what would be put.... you know.

 
At 4:36 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

mone: supositys who thought that up, I think I would have preferred a good dose of good old fashion dysentery.

 
At 4:58 AM , Blogger Winters said...

It's experiences like that somewhere along the line make us better people, dude.

 
At 6:01 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Winters: I suppose, but I am not going to get another one thinking I would be even a better person...

 
At 12:40 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Josh i want to clarify that this whole story does not mean that you are gay. seriously.

 
At 4:49 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Jane:I know, but was my mom trying to create the daughter she didn't have...until nine years later she had a daughter? But then ...nevermind.

 
At 5:33 PM , Blogger ing said...

And Myrtle, what's her dating preference, if I may?

 
At 9:42 AM , Blogger Elle*Bee said...

that which does not kill you, makes you stronger.

 
At 5:00 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

elle*bee: and very regualar. Thank you for your support. JWW

 

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