Thursday, October 12, 2006

I'm Dumber Than the Headlines

I’ve not been feeling so hot, so I went to my doctor, Dre I think is his last name...
Well the Doc and I met and he ran some tests did the cough trick and the finger trick licked his fingers then he finally sat down and said your as “healthy a horse” with your bad habits it was at first difficult to determine how you could escape all the modern day plagues. Then it dawned on me your dumber than the headlines! I said what? He continued, lets say a cold virus gets it grimy little mitts on your immune system, soon it grows bored and looks for another host that does not put it to sleep.What is even more amazing is even cancer cells seem to fall off you from sheer boredom. We counted a sample of your blood cells and 90 % were asleep some even snoring? (something I’ve never seen before). Fortunately your brain does not need much oxygen. In short you’re to stupid to host a malady of any type, you should be happy. I said I was not other than he would not be wanting any of my stupid money. He said yes and make it cash...





Well I must contradict the doctor I have played host to four different guest Blogs. I know my real despondency is born from depression, look what they did to my blog, study the picture, this is what’s left of My Mule after I turned it over to the Four Horsemen/wo of the apocalypse! Erin O’brien (wo), Friends of McDougal, Roscoe and finally Mom, the Toilets Blogged. These bastards are all teamed against me! Roscoe and McDougal have signed some sort of peace accord and are buying a Riverboat Casino to raise funds for his campaign. Erin, is working hard at her newspaper telling water cooler jokes at my expense about My Mule. Toliet is running around with Bunyan, going to the Walmart spending my stolen jing not to mention the other fun dates, all until my cash runs out. I have know idea who the guys in the photo are but they throw rocks at me whenever I approach, they look as if they are from Lebanon but who knows? Its going to take days maybe weeks to get this thing cleaned up and running grammatically correct again. Thanks Doc, thanks Four Horsemen/wo and you guys with the water pipe get the hell out my blog, or start rebuilding.
I host guests and everything turns to shit, its kinda like Ben Franklin said “Guest are like fish, after a few days they both begin to stink” or something like that. Maybe I am dumber than the Headlines…JW

17 Comments:

At 11:11 AM , Blogger crabcake said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA! The 4 horsemen of the Apolcolipse? LMAO! Now, isn't that a little harsh. snicker snicker.

 
At 4:47 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

CC: Harsh? Nope, look at the picture! JW

 
At 7:53 PM , Blogger Renee Somebody said...

Wow, they realy laid waste landfill style... here's hoping you fully recover!
And thanks for dropping by my site :)

 
At 4:25 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Renee: I have been battling with the insurance agencys, they claim there is an apocoliptic clause which they claim I am not covered? I'm going to the mat with these scoundrels! In the mean time I have been shopping around looking for maybe a blog to buy so I don't have to sleep out in the cold until the insurance companies get thier head out of there arse's. Yours is to nice to buy, but I have to admit I crashed behind couch and then used your shower and at some food from the fridge. Desperate measures for desperate times. Thank you in advance for not pressing charges, I just needed a place to lay my weary head wash my filthy body and fill my empty stomach...My Best JW

 
At 10:17 AM , Blogger DykesDog said...

Hi Josh thanks for stopping by my place. I hate dealing with insurance people! I think they are worse them telemarketers sometimes!

 
At 12:34 PM , Blogger Toby said...

Progressive is a good insurance company. I was rear ended by some little old lady about two years ago and the only damage was a quarter sized hole in my bumper. A guy in a Progrssive truck came to my house the next day and cut me a check for almost $800.00. I still have the little hole in my bumper.

 
At 5:28 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

toby: Progressive insures my motorcycle. I dont think they will pay me for any damage incurred while riding down a woodland path, but they are the #1 insurer of dirt bikers so, my hats off to the least wretched in the business of scalping.
We had in Indiana some hail storms this spring, the roofing contractors are making fat cash this year, the smart ones will not spend it all...I was talking to an ins. adjuster who was brought in from out of town as part of the disaster team. He explainded to me that it was a scam , insurance companies have to answer to the Insurance Commision when audited and justify their rates. So they have been over charging us and an audit was coming, insto presto everyone in Indianapolis and surrounding areas needs a new roof and the insurance companies are heroes for paying the claims, so now we (the brotherhood of undamaged roofs) can continue to pay inflated rates.I'm done...send Lawyers guns and money JW

 
At 3:47 AM , Blogger Me said...

I want that hooka

 
At 4:02 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

bos: Sir I am not a pimp and I do not sell Hookers, your one of them sex fiends!

 
At 4:39 AM , Blogger Winters said...

There's a coicidence. Your Dr is called Dre, and mine is called Ice-Cube.

Sorry it took me so long to visit. And I'm wondering about the "finger trick." My mind is boggling...

 
At 5:30 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Winters:Dr Ice Cube, huh? Thanks for dropping by, finger trick, prostate. I prefer not to discuss this any further, the memory is to painful.

 
At 4:50 PM , Blogger ~d said...

I see no nakedness...
I will be back tomorrow!

~d heart JW

 
At 5:13 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

~d: I was neked not a minute before your visit, I ducked behind my curtain to visit my bed pan,(Toliets are for fools) I heard a bing on my email and dang doll face, its all my fault...

 
At 12:19 AM , Blogger ~d said...

Aww HELL! Yeah! How did I miss THAT water pipe?!? WOOO!
~d0
(I included my middle initial as a sign of respect, as well)

 
At 3:21 AM , Blogger Mone said...

Josh, I heard that you broke the last waterpipe in an illusion of health, hahaha.

 
At 3:44 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

~d: Thanks for the sign of respect, cleanups taking more time than I had first projected. I may just abandon this project and pursue my first dream, interpretive dance, or better yet join a street mime group that performs in the nude! OH and thanks for the sign of respect…JWW

Mone: The last water pipe was healthy it was the woman holding it that was trouble. Forgive me I am weak. JWW

 
At 5:12 AM , Blogger Elle*Bee said...

No maladies = why you're 104 (according to your profile). ;-
)

 

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