20 Questions with Roscoe/Vintage Interview

Several years ago I interviewed Roscoe for a motocycle website that is now defunct. Not long after this interview come to think of it....Some time around 2000? I dunno Roscoe might?

20 Questions with Roscoe (Circa sometime ago)

Who is Roscoe? It seems all these titles apply....
renaissance man, inventor, adventurer and of course
crack pot. Roscoe has described himself as a enigma
stuffed in a condom and blown up with a riddle. I
could not have said it better myself. I have set out
to find more about this man by setting up an
interview, I will use the 20 questions format made
popular in the magazine made famous by its articles,
Playboy.

Roscoe: Hey Mister, you're from?... Leelee , show them
your... Wait! He said Playboy magazine right? If I
find out that you're another checkout boy from Coupon
Guide magazine looking for a cheap thrill, I'll get my
shotgun and run you off like hippies. When are you
going to turtle wax my camper?

1. Where do have the money and time to travel all over
the country living out every mans dream?

Roscoe: I know traveling in this great country,
especially with a good woman and a chimpanzee, is the
American dream. All I can say is that a I got lucky. I
worked hard and I was able to retire early. I cashed
out the business, threw the bikes on the bumper and
hit the road.

2. I understand you are tight with the Buddists, what
are there adult entertainment establishments like?

Roscoe: Are you thirsty? How about a refreshing
libation. LeeLee!... Would you fix this man an iced
tea refreshment. Say, would you like something a
little stronger? Possibly a tequila and Tang? I think
I'll take one.

3. Are you a crackpot?

Roscoe: Well, some have called me a crackpot. It's
because I took up the study of cryptozoology earlier
than most people do. It's OK. Bigfoot and UFOs have
their place in the scientific community. Some people
are not ready to except it. Others can’t accept the
fact that making dog houses from junk motorcycles and
washing machines is an art form. If that is so, this
crackpot is laughing his way across the country in a
new, used motorhome.

4. Do you ever wash your KTM jacket.

Roscoe: Yes, smart guy , I might live in a camper but
I'm not a heathen. Are you some kind of hippie?

5.Once while talking with John Penton he was offended
by my use of profanity so I was unable to set up a 20
Questions interview with him, so I will have to ask
you a question that I wanted to ask him. What does the
21st. century hold in store for the KTM line.

Roscoe: You got a little lippy with the master, huh?
You didn't ask him about using cow dung to paint the
floors of primitive huts in Africa did you? I heard a
story that he kicked a man in the kidneys for less. I
don't know why... The future for KTM? That is up to
the engineers. They are on a good track although, a
gun rack would be nice.

6. Rumor is you have a brother who has a massive
collection of broken motorcycles. Is this true and if
so why?

Roscoe: Ohh…That’s sweet nectar. I’m ready for another
Tangquilla? Boy, these are good.

7. From where do you hail?

Roscoe: There was this little guy in the WWE named
Spike Dudley. He stood 5 ft. 6 in., weighed 150 lbs.
but could sure take a beating. His buddy, the Big
Show, is about 7 ft. 2 in., weighs 500 lbs., comes out
to mop up the ring and save the day. They call Spike "
Little Show " but compared to Big Show, he really
looked more like a commercial.

22. Why are all your bumper hitches chrome less? (SP?)


Roscoe: We better take this camper to that big carwash
at the truck stop before you fire up the buffer.

8. Why is your middle finger painted gold?

Roscoe: That’s for flippin’ the Upitys.

9. Do you like designer leather clad, Lawyer Harley
owners? Why not?

Roscoe: Ride’m if you got them. Trailer if your butt
doesn’t have calluses.

12. Is Leelee preggers?

Roscoe: Where are my keys?

13.How did you meet Leelee and from where does she
hail, in other words what is her background? ie does
she or has she ever had a job/profession? Family?

Roscoe: I bought her a bunch of tequila sooters and
popped the question…”Gosh you're cute. Wanna buy a
monkey?, I said.  It swept her off of her feet.

17. You used to be seen with a gentleman that had the
nic name of "Crazy Ace" what was your relationship,
and is he dead or in prison?

Roscoe: You know Ace?  I saw him break the big toe
clear off a bartender for not turning the TV to the
Muppet Show. He threw it into his martini and drank
it. He’s a psycho…Not that there is anything wrong
with that.

18. Why did you by the majority of shares of stock in
one of the largest producers of Vienna sausages in the
United States and insist they change their name to
"Dollywood sausages"?

Roscoe: At an old job, I worked with a fellow that
would eat Vienna sausages and crackers for lunch
everyday. We asked him why... He replied "these
'vieenie weenies' are good. " well, I decided to get
in on the action. I scraped up some cash, leveraged,
called in some favors, and enlisted the help of
celebrities. Sometimes deals are made and you kick in
a favor to keep everyone happy. Sometimes the world is
full of sponsors and endorsements, look around.

19. What is your secret recipe for beanie weenies?

Roscoe: First, open a can of baked beans and take out
that squishy white cube. dump them in a pan and put
them on the back of the stove to warm up some. Now,
here is the secret ingredient... Don't use weenies.
Skillet fry at least a pound of bacon (I like it a
little crispy). Crunch up the bacon into the beans ,
add an egg , brown sugar, salt and stir like crazy.
When it is all hot, add lard to taste. If you don't
have bacon, use Dollywood sausages. Remember,
Dollywood sausages uses all of the pig.

21.Whats with the spats?

Roscoe: I thought I would dress up for a Trail Rider
Magazine victory banquet. As soon as I rivet them to
my boots, I'll be ready to party. But for now, I'll
just wear them while I watch N A S C A R races.

23. Do we have to conduct this entire interview with a
sawed off 12 gauge resting on your lap?

Roscoe: Like it? You never know when you will run into
road bandits. Didn't you say you were going to wax the
camper?

24. Do you think its wise to keep and open gas can in
your motor home?

Roscoe: Gosh you're cute. Wanna buy a monkey?
Whew!…That Cabin Boy is a funny movie. It’s got that
Andy Richter guy from Conan O’Brian… He’s a hoot.

25. Wouldn't you feel more comfortable being
interviewed with clothes on?

Roscoe: OK, OK, I'll get my coveralls.

26. Why do you keep ducking?

Roscoe: I live in a camper with a chimpanzee.
Chimpanzees do what chimpanzees do. If you were smart
you'd be ducking too. do the math, hippie.

27. That is Leelee's Mark Spitz poster isnt it?

Roscoe: Why don't we talk about my shotgun some more.

29. You have your detractors and they make claim that
not all your stories are factual, what do you have to
say to these charges?

Roscoe: Hippie, are you calling me a liar?

30. My research indicates that most great writers
usually write in the morning when they are fresh and
have a particular goal, say 2000 words of even as
little as a paragraph. What are your writing habits,
what inspires you?

Roscoe: I will write most any time of the day. I keep
a spiral notebook handy in case a good idea comes to
me. One could be good enough to write down. It's not
just the Journal of the things that we do or places we
go, I also write down ideas that might make money.
That's how I came across some of my past ventures.
Lots of people have good ideas but they just throw
them out. Look at here... Here's a page of food
cuisine. Pretzel shaped jerky sticks... I do some of
my best thinking on the commode.

36. What is you favorite word? no profanity please.

Roscoe: “Lederhosen”…Funny sounding, funny lookin’.

39. Are you afraid PETA might object to Tater testing
your Jet Pack?

Roscoe: He signed a waver.

28. Why do you perspire when panting is a viable
option?

Roscoe: Hey… I’m wearing coveralls for crying out
loud.

31. I understand there has been some interest in
Hollywood on turning your life into a big screen epic.
Is this true and would you consider this selling out?

Roscoe: Depends on the percentage, market options, and
merchandizing.  Just think, Roscoe action figures and
groupies.

41. What kind of music do you listen to?

Roscoe: Leelee and I like that John Lee Hooker
tune…You know it goes…Mmm Hummm Umm , oh yeah…”I want
to hug you, kiss you and squeeze you ‘till my arms
fall off…” That’s our song for our intimate moments.

40. You have quite the reputation of being a ladies
man, what do you feels draws women to you?

Roscoe: Lederhosen.

46. What level of education have you thus far
obtained?(Honorary doctorates dont count).

Roscoe: Sour cream and onion flavored envelopes...Now
that idea is a moneymaker.

50. Why are you banned from Cracker Barrel?

Roscoe: When you promise a chimpanzee banana sunshine
pancakes, you better deliver on the banana.

Hey, that’s more than twenty.  Tater, get this fellow
the mop. Where are my double-ort shells? Tater NOT
THERE! You better mop the inside too, hippie.