Sunday, October 08, 2006

Guest Post From my Brother "Mom"

This post was stolen from the Trail Rider Magazine Web site ...I am sure they don't mind and I am sure you dont care. JW

Gas Stop Advice
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What to do when you need gas but don't have a can...

If you have ever been to one of those long events where the club hauls the gas cans, then I'm sure you've enjoyed the same scene I have. You have ridden for hours, you have become enjoyably delirious and you ride up to a field just covered with red gas cans. A tomato pickers dream. You are left with the task of finding your own very special can. Other riders scramble around looking like some mad Easter egg hunt.

So from my experience here are some ideas:

1. Do not write your name on the bottom of your can.

2. The blue kerosene cans work well for easy identification, until the gasoline container police nab you.

3. Flags from an Invisible Fence enclosure work well and will deter any dog from relaxing near it.

4. Furnace (duct) tape wrapped no matter how cryptically just does not work. Every body does it, when gas gets splashed on it, tape gets all slimy and sticky and, every body does it.

5. When you just can't find your can for what ever reason ( you didn't bring one?) what I do is I borrow, not steal but borrow, a little out of several different cans. There are reasons why you want to use several cans. The most important is so nobody misses any gas and come looking for you because you have a reputation for borrowing gas. Second, the more cans used the less likely you are to get straight four-stroke gas and seize your bike. They say you are not to mix two kinds of oil but they don't say anything about mixing five or six kinds now, do they? You might even recognize other riders' names on cans, this will clue you in on it's contents. You can write things on your own can to discourage riders mooching your gas. "Water" works well. "Experimental alternative fuel test, contains raw sewage" works pretty well too.

6. I have designed my own can. It has so much stuff fastened to it the club usually leaves it in the truck or dumped out at the tail gate. It has many of my own innovations. It has wheels on it so you can move it around. It has a long filler hose with a battery powered pump with a automatic shut off valve for unattended fill ups. It has lots of compartments for necessities like candy bars and tools. It has a built in toilet seat with privacy curtain and a magazine holder. It even has a short wave radio with a power amplifier. This really distracts other riders. I turn it up really loud and tune in Malaysian talk shows, complete with all the static squeaks and squalls. With a little bit of ingenuity you could probably do something similar.


At 9:46 AM , Blogger Roscoe said...

Friend of MacDougal, Your allegiance to MacDougal is admirable but I tire of talking to messengers. Sit quietly at master's feet and clip his toe nails like a good boy while adults speak.

I trust your use of the Bible is as a reference only. Methuselah lived 969 years but some scholars speculate that Old Testament time was based on lunar cycles not solar - decreasing annular time by a factor of 12.37. Besides Highlander, be it a cool movie, is only a movie.

Our friend Captain Richard Francis Burton, the multi-lingual talent, translated the Kama Suutra from Sanskrit. Having a way with the ladies, he carved his way through India and Africa leaving a reputation as a scoundrel, Props.

At 2:18 PM , Blogger Friends of McDougal said...

I'm trying to keep you out of trouble, Mr. P. Coletrain. Bunyan's already started his way over to McDougal's place, and is trying to start World War III ... Do you realize what might happen if those two giants tangle?

Let me say a couple of things:

1. Highlander is not just a movie. Jesus, man ... do you not realize your own serendipity in referencing it that close to the Bible?

2. McDougal lost half his right foot performing something called the "dandelion position" from the Kama Sutra. It's long since grown back, but let's not test his mood by referencing it here.

Oh, and 3.) THe last man who was assigned McDougal foot/toe grooming was kicked to death during a particularly moving episode of St. Elsewhere. To my knowledge no one has taken on this task since.

I'm trying to keep McDougal away from the computer ... as what he reads in the blogosphere tends to upset his bowels and throw him into confused fits of rage (picture a bear being awakened from hibernation by a pack of badgers.

I'm not trying to start a fight ... only to issue fair warning.

The man's unhinged. And as soon as he realizes the Canadian vote won't help him, we're all doomed. Do you really want to pile on to that?

At 5:12 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

I worked so hard to build this site, what in the hell are you two going to do to all my hard work? I'm an honest man who has friends that has familys and shit dudes I'm scairt!

At 7:15 AM , Blogger Roscoe said...

I apologize Friend of McDougal. Distracted, I thought you were a McD want-to-be not looking out for his better interests. However, DO NOT confuse me with some character from "The Dukes of Hazzard". Those who do, endure life painfully. I'll cut you some slack, for we now share a common goal.

My sources say McDougal is wiggin over his election campaign. I've seen this behavior before. 1994 - Kyrgystan, an embedded McDougal didn't check in for eleven months. We found him in an open market selling uvula he'd extracted from prisoners of the Burmese Panda Liberation Front. Babbling, he (McD) applauded their value as a laxative.

Knowing McDougal was a momma's boy, we consulted his beloved NaNa. She advised - Call him pumpkin and rub his belly until he falls asleep. My advice - use heavy tranquilizer(s), weapon search (including body cavity), and then use NaNa's advice. God's speed.

At 7:31 AM , Blogger Toby said...

I pee high octane. Please do not wrap me in duct tape.

At 7:53 AM , Blogger MOM! Toilets Blogged! said...

When I have gas, like I have now, I have to stop, just like in the article, but I don't see a lot of red plastic tomatos, all I see is the inside of my truck. Here is what I do. I lay flat on the floor and roll over in a clock wise direction, this helps move the bauble along the intestinal tract, where eventually it can be released and ignited with a match. BE SURE to have the windows open or the explosion will blow our all the windows, I learned the hard way, that explains why I have visqueen over every window in my truck.
With gas prices what they are, I sure wish I could find a field full of plastic tomatos filled with gasoline. I'd be making some SOBE bombs for sure!
Your'e welcome

At 8:03 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roscoe/Friends:I think you are both behaving like children.

toby: Your safe.

Toliet: Lets get real, your making up stuff now...huh?

At 12:04 AM , Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

jeSUS you people can gas on in this here comment section.

Can I use the afforementioned techniques to tag my beer can?


At 4:19 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Erin: Yes Erin you can I would recommend JW brand beer can duct tape, it may cost a little more than the other premium (3M) brands but well worth the investment. I do think toliet is offering sound advice by not writing your name on the bottom of your can...Peace Trails JW

At 4:28 AM , Blogger ~d said...

Pissin in the wind
blowin on all your friends

(just passing thru!)

At 6:40 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

d~: Stay awhile next time I'll make a cup of joe.

At 7:01 AM , Blogger Me said...

Reminds me of mad max

At 8:02 AM , Blogger Roxi said...

I was thinking of hiring a midget to watch over mine..

what do you think?

At 12:03 PM , Blogger That's Mr. McDougal, to you, punk said...

Jesus Lord, I'm gassy.

At 4:41 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

bos: Mad Max had a guess problem as well, yes that was what the whole damn movie was about! Gas is our friend.

Roxi: You know how I hate midgets, your just teasing I know but it hurts so bad.

Tuan McDougal: I pitty the fool that pulls your finger.

At 5:54 PM , Blogger Bunyan, Paul Bunyan said...

Your crazy Wyatt I want my $30.00! There used to be a bar on Belmont and Wasingtonc called the Blue Mule, you realation?


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