Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I have an axe to grind



















While in Digby( by the Bay of Fundy) for my augmentation surgery I was contracted to build a boat dock. I love boats, boat docks/piers and the money that can be made off of people who are desperate for a pier. I also know my limitations. I called my buddy Roscoe, I knew he knew a woodsman by the name of Bunyan. Roscoe gave me Mr Bunyan's number and I gave him a jingle, he came with one stipulation, " I want to meet a busty woman from Halifax, thats all I ask...and maybe some flap jacks". So I made some more calls and then before I could say +&*% you, you piece of @#$%! Bunyan had the dock built, no shit just that fast. It took me about a month to come to an agreement with my clients and they paid me with hesitation, by payment I mean I was let out of jail after I built them some ladders to climb from their boats to their new pier. Bunyan I hear was last seen with a bakers dozen of the legendary buxom babes from Halifax cavorting by the sea at Peggys Cove.
I imagine Roscoe laughs, as does Bunyan. Scoundrels I say, every dog has its day and you two just gave me a pile of bones to pine for or my name is not JWW!

19 Comments:

At 7:35 PM , Blogger ing said...

Oooooh, that first photograph is going to give me nightmares!!

Josh, have you heard about all those rich people on vacation in Martha's Vineyard? I read about this in The New Yorker: they keep fracturing their fifth metatarsals (which is a bone in the side of your foot) when stepping off of their yachts and such, and onto their docks.

Josh, how, in your own design, do you prevent this from happening? Do you use extra-long pilons, or is there some dock-level construction code that stipulates the dock should be at least a foot and a half lower than the deck of any given boat?

 
At 2:45 AM , Blogger lee said...

I would like a shirt like the one in the photo - it's winter here you see ;) .

 
At 3:47 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing: I should have never trusted that Bunyan fella. First off he told me he hiked all the way from Bangor Maine and hiked across the Bay to help me out, sounds unlikely to me it seems everything he tells me sounds like a tall tale? I took the drawings the town gave me gave them to him to work off of he carefully tacked them to a nearby tree,for easy referance is what I thought but upon walking away I heard a chopping and turned and he had already cut down the tree he tacked the plans to! He then caught my eye smiled and winked turned away held up his thumb and eye balled the entire construction.I should have fired him on the spot, but noooo I have to trust people...Trust me I am not hiring that fool again! I had to pay to equip all the decks with airbags in case the owners fall from the ladders, it is all such a mess.Best thing I ever did was skip town, who wants all that liability?

lee: I would give Neil Young a call he seems to have a lifetime supply of the things, I'm not giving up any of mine, winter looms.

 
At 3:06 AM , Blogger Toby said...

All you can eat flap jacks

 
At 4:22 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

toby: You heard of him, come to think of it Paul was his first name...Thanks for the lead,I'm going to find that bastard and we are going to have words.Paul Bunyan has eaten his last flap jack!

 
At 6:25 AM , Blogger Roxi said...

I need a house built..

If I offer to make some nice flap jacks will he come over and build it for me?

I know a tall busty woman thats really loose too!!

 
At 4:37 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

roxi: Bunyon would not do that to you, Bunyan would only break your friends heart.Besides at 31 feet tall and weighing in at 3700 lbs. I did his BMI and he needs to loose about 1,800 pounds. So you see Bunyan is a lard ass who builds docks desiged so he does not have to bend over much while he is building them.I've lost faith in Paul Bunyan!

 
At 6:03 AM , Blogger Vote McDougal said...

JW, keep that Bunyan on your payroll! Just pay him to do odd jobs or something. You MUST keep him around. Here's what I'm envisioning... McDougal wrestles this Bunyan fellow on live television. It could be big for the campaign. Of course, with the current schedule, and McDougal navigating... What month is this? Well, there's no telling when I'll be able to get up to the Bay of Fundy. You'll just have to keep him around indefinitely. Is it a deal?

 
At 4:34 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

vote mcdougal: Bunyans trouble but I'll pass the word. I don't think we should tell him about the president idea, he may want to run.Its a bad idea to split a party even if its between two giants.

 
At 3:36 AM , Blogger Toby said...

Would Bunyan be a good weapon against terrorists?

 
At 3:56 AM , Blogger Bunyan, Paul Bunyan said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:56 AM , Blogger Bunyan, Paul Bunyan said...

Blither blither blither blither. Bunch of warsher women over here jabbering away. I hear you been looking for me williams, what you wanna do write me another bad check? The Bank of Fundy made me erase the extra zero, said you didn't have the funds, cash up front this time, looser pauper.

 
At 4:00 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

toby: Hes a loose cannon, he cannot be trusted so yes I think he could, him and his cousins.

Bunyan: Just do the work I pay you do, do it how I tell you to and I will pay you prevailing wage which we will keep in an escrow account at your beloved Bank of Fundy. My feet need washed, you in?

 
At 4:00 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:29 AM , Blogger Bunyan, Paul Bunyan said...

$50 dollars worth of placebo, its one of the best drugs I ever did take.

 
At 10:24 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

I have a good connection for placebo, so if you are willing to work for it my shoes are off.

 
At 11:38 AM , Blogger crabcake said...

I need a porch built.

Um...I'll give you.....

Hang on. I have to count my money.

2....2......OO quarter....

Yep. 27cents.

 
At 4:39 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Crabcake: sounds like a deal I'll contract Bunyan he gets 40% of after expense profits, providing I do not have to lift a finger.w

 
At 4:40 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

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