From the My Mule Archives, A Spanking Monkey on my Back

A word of caution, what may seem to start out as an
innocent obscene phone call you pick up, can be a
gateway call. A call that can come close to if not
ruining your life.
Last February 15th I had just such a call. I
chuckled and shared the experience with my friends and
my mule  site readers just recently.
What happened after this I am ashamed and yet feel
liberated to admit.  I became a phone sex addict. It
started as a joke, you know the game dial 1-800 and
then type in seven digits whose letters will spell
something obscene. For example 1-800-hot-sexy I would
wager would direct you to a sex line that you would
then have to give a credit card to and the rest is
lost wages.  Well playing this game at parties and
such was fun and stuff but I began to do it alone and
used my credit cards, within weeks they were maxed
out! Then to ole reliable, the 1-900 #s well this went
on until I lost everything but my boat.
I was so addicted that I hatched a plan where I would sail out
on big blue sink my boat and then hold up an SOS sign
to be rescued, tell my fantastic tale of being at sea for six weeks
without food and water and capitalize on the news coverage,
maybe even cut a made for TV movie deal. All this to
finance my phone sex addiction! Well the best laid
plans of mice and pervs... instead of my SOS sign I accidently
held up my “Will work for phone sex sign”…
Then came the intervention. My folks hired six X Navy Seals to work
me over every time my digits tried to dial the
dreadful 1 –900 this plan did not work because the
Seals would beat the shit out of me for hours and when
they were spent I would sneak off and dial 1-900.
Finally I realized I had reached bottom and it was
time to take things into my own hands, so to speak.
What I did was take all the #9 buttons off my phones,
problem solved! Until I remembered the 800 # trick so
I would just dial those listen to the intro teaser and
then hang up. I still was not convinced I was cured so
I removed all the # 8 digits from my phone, problem
solved. Now this may explain to a few of my friends
whose phone numbers contain the number eight or nine
where I have been. Call me! I'm all alone with only a
drawer full of mangled phone buttons (8,9) and
a horrible addiction to keep me company.
Kind Regards Josh