Sunday, January 28, 2007

The Spiraling Monkey Theory in Infinite Space


I felt compelled to write a review on which is now posted on Amazon. Stephen Hawkings book
A Brief History of Time. I'm a bit rusty, its been awhile since I did a review, but you know I think I still got it...JW

Stephen Hawkings: A Brief History of Time

I have the utmost respect for Mr Hawking's theory's and his ability to question his own theory's, this book was a great read and I would recommend it to anyone interested in time and stuff.
Time for instance it was years ago that I was taught how to use firearms by my father and Grandfather. They were both very strict and would often yell obscenities when I would aim the gun towards any where but the ground away from them. My Grandfather was a wildlife protector (game warden) back in the early thirties at Lake Mattamuskeet in North Carolina. Game wardens were not well received back then, they being a new branch of government control and what right did they have to make them buy a license to hunt for waterfowl? LakeMattamuskeet to this day is a very remote and rural area, so new ideas are not snapped up like in New York or Kokomo. As I was saying whenever I was holding a rifle, my grandfather would chastise me regularly, he had been shot by accident in his life so he took firearms seriously, people are careless he was careless so he bore a scare on his leg and shoulder from mistakes. He instilled in me a deep respect that makes me a nervous wreck when I am around people who have a firearm and handle it with little caution. This reminds me of the old saying ... You can give and infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of firearms and eventually one of them will not shoot himself or colleague.
Well I have a few problems with this theory....
1. Who counts the monkeys to make sure they are infinite in numbers.
2. Where does on keep an infinite number of monkeys with firearms. Earth would pile up with them pretty fast, the final frontier would have to be utilized. Space suits would be required and modified firearms that would fire in a vacuum not to mention without the benefit of oxygen to ignite the gunpowder.
3.You would need and infinite number of banana trees to feed the monkeys, which would require an infinite amount of arable land and workers to cultivate and ship to the monkeys their dietary needs.
4. Where are the monkeys to throw their scat, a really advanced sanitary system would be needed to deal with all the monkey pitching.
5.So we need an infinite number of space suits, referees to document whether a monkey is injured, an infinite number of rifles for the monkeys and lanyards so they would not loose them in space while they slept.
6. There would need to be an infinite number of begetting monkeys to produce the infinite number of monkeys..
7. I have nearly an infinite number of question regarding this theory, but do not have the time or space...
In conclusion I still respect Mr Hawkings theory's , but I do wonder if he has avoided the Spiraling Monkey Theory in Infinite Space. These are questions that need to be asked, which I just did so now these are questions I would like to be answered.

25 Comments:

At 11:38 AM , Blogger Winters said...

You have raised deep issues here, brother Josh. I sip my wine and ponder...

1. The "infinite counter" counts the monkeys. He is more advanced than the monkeys, and has no tail and a calculator.

2. The monkeys are kept in the underground tardis where babies are made.

3. Last time I checked, there was a patch of land, almost infinite in girth, for sale in the Andromeda galaxy. Cheap at the price, too.

4. They can throw their infinite scat at TV evangelists.

5. Just stick a cloakroom in there.

6. Ah, but they all come from the One huge "Mother Monkey." She's like a Queen Bee. Really fat, and pregnant all the time.

7. Never mind. Have a beer...

 
At 4:39 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Winters: A brave man to tackle such questions. I like the queen monkey idea, but she needs to be really big, bigger say than 1,000 gorillas! But still this leaves the question, at what point to we tell the queens helper fertilizer monkeys to take a day off we have reached the goal of an infinite number of monkeys,then I am troubled...Would the Queen Mother have to infinitely large? This would crowd out all the monkeys that are piled into infinite space? This is becoming larger than I expected, its time to pose these questions to the best in the sciences, maybe I'll start with the myth busters, they solve all sorts of problems. Thanks for the input I will try to incorporate these ideas into my formula which I have writing on the chalkboards of a condemned school buildings 35 rooms of chalkboards.Twelve rooms to go and I have not even come up with an elegant solution to the nana tree dilemma...KInd Regards and Strong Science JW

 
At 1:36 PM , Blogger Roxi said...

I think yer pertty

 
At 9:17 PM , Blogger ing said...

Despite the obvious problems with Mr. Hawking's theories, I can't resist buying this book. Josh, your reviews get me every time, but I hope you realize that you're making sales for Amazon, the corporate juggernaut. Even I, a staid and steadfast independent bookseller, can't withstand the allure of your book reviews.

 
At 3:18 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

roxi: I must confess the photo heading this post is not myself, its a photo I copied and posted on this site , not to mention dozens of the internet dating sites! Let me tell you this photo is great for getting first dates, but when they ladies find out they have been fooled by the photo, I end up walking home crying the entire way, life ain’t fair.

ing: what Amazon has done for the venerable bookseller is unforgivable. I started reviewing on Amazon as a game, just to see how far I could go, apparently they are not as touchy feely, as they appear otherwise they would have booted me a couple of years ago. Now I discover that you have fallen victim to my reviews, turning against your very nature, I hang my head in shame. In my youth I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would help corporate America gobble up the essence of life, homogenize it and spit it out as self serve groceries and software that interacts with you, all the while profiling your every move. I have helped make our country that much closer to becoming a corporate run Soulless empire of greed. Forgive me ing, forgive me America...JW

 
At 4:52 AM , Blogger Mone said...

How long does it take to grow the banana trees big enough?

 
At 1:40 PM , Blogger Toby said...

I once watched two cops and a zoo keeper get peed on by a monkey, one of those kind that have blue butts. It ran out of its house, jumped up on the bars and let it go. The cops and zoo keeper happend to be having a chat within range.

 
At 4:36 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

mone: Infinity.

Toby: What is monkey story is not funny? You see this is the main reason I am working on the most elegant solution to the infinite monkey theory.The truth, I believe has been staring at us from the beginning of TV and televised monkeys running amok.

 
At 9:37 AM , Blogger ~d said...

Hiya 007!

I have a reg keyboard and I use the alt key and then 'pop' the number 3.

Alt 3.

♥♥♥♥

 
At 11:09 AM , Blogger Helen Mansfield said...

I thought we were talking about the Colts vs. the Bears ...


No? My bad.

 
At 1:20 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

~d:I'll try ♥♥♥♥ Astounding!

Helen: Colts yes....Bears? What to bears have to do with the Superbowl ♥♥♥♥ man I learned to make hearts, may day is done!

 
At 4:18 PM , Blogger Steve said...

Is this blog for real?

 
At 4:44 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

ted: Now that is a curious question.

 
At 7:36 PM , Blogger lee said...

Mickey Dolenz knows the answers to all of these questions. It's true.

 
At 1:09 AM , Blogger Mone said...

I'm soooo happy, I know it too♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Thanks for askin :) ♥ ♥ ♥

 
At 3:56 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

lle: Your right because hey hey hes a monkey! I wonder how to get hold of that well spring of simian knowledge?

mone:♥♥♥♥♥ Damn! Cool stuff eh? As the saying goes...Knowledge is power, power is gold. Give away either to soon is stoopid. Lets keep this trick under our hat and blow the minds of the other bloggers! DANG!

 
At 8:26 AM , Blogger Toby said...

Sounds like a job for Lancelot Link - Secret Chimp

 
At 11:11 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Toby: Great documentary, thanks monkeys are tops in my book!

 
At 6:26 PM , Blogger Steve said...

How about a new post, asshole.

 
At 2:54 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ted: Bugger off! Oh I'm sorry, bugger is hitting a little close to home ♥♥♥♥

 
At 7:04 AM , Blogger Winters said...

^;^
---

These are the shapes, brother Josh. They symbolize infinite monkeydom.

 
At 7:35 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Winters: That is a very elegant formula, distilled into one short set of symbols. Kinda like E = MC 2 I am symbolee challanged all I can do is make hearts... Not appropriate when disussing the infinite. Problem solved thanks Winters.

 
At 2:09 PM , Blogger Toby said...

Try making hearts with a lap top

 
At 2:09 PM , Blogger Toby said...

I mean, there is no easy way.

 
At 6:28 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

♥♥♥♥♥ not on my laptop. Hmmmm

 

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