Dudley Smudley

About three years ago I was in a my favorite harbor pub just about thirty miles west of Portofino when the letters started to arrive. I love the Mediterranean but not the tourist spots so I am required to keep my location vague out of pure greed I keep this port in my bank of favorites, before the mass's find it and overrun it with high rises and timeshares...The reason I have not contacted the authority's about my 12th cousin's sudden disappearance, 12th cousin twice removed I if that helps clarify. Dudley you see is the oldest of my cousin's where I fit in is about 12Th, or there abouts once my fingers run out my math ain't so good.
My name is Bullet and I have been a member of The Down Younder Big Boat and Yacht Club for a number of years. although I keep to myself, people seem to remember me...I stand 3' 6" tall and I am a professional body builder. I suspect my cousin Dudley has been kidnapped, why? I have received ransom notes and such for the last three years but I am not one to open my mail and well Dudley and I never really did get along, he being a "tally" and all. He also wrote a Boating Tips Column which he had a habit of calling members out which did not win him many friends, Ihave come home to find Dudley and to revive the Tip column. I have asked around the club and even tried to raise the ransom money demanded by his kidnappers ($100.) but so far all I have been able to raise is about $3.27 and some aluminum soda cans which probably belong to the clubs recycling bin. The money thus far has not come from donors just what I could kick up in the gravel, what I call found ransom, so Dudly may be released at this rate by the next century. I talked to Curly Jones and he chuckled and dropped a liberty dollar in the portolet closest to the launching ramp and said " this would be a good collection pot for that @(($@$0 of a @#$%^ Dudley, I pondered digging into the depository but then thought better. I used my better judgement and jumped Mr Jones and gave him the noogy of a lifetime but then he turned on me quick as light and gave me a noogy, after about an hour of this nonsense we dusted ourselves off and eventually we shook hands and agreed that noogys were not the way to solve problems. We agreed to start a where is Dudley Fund and with the liberty dollar we have $4.27 towards the cause.I appreciate his efforts and If I have another confrontation with Mr Jones again I have shaved my head so I am noogy proof. I will be wearing my wrestling tights as well, (less to cling onto theory)so if you see a buff 3' 6" bald man in short tights with a muscle shirt, call me aside and give me a few pence to free my cousin Dudley, we all miss him and his tips...I on the other hand do have some tips of my own which I will share in his absence....
1: Never wrestle a 3' 6" body builder.
2: I am kinda new at this so I dont have a good answer for this one.