Holiday Blood Sports
My brother Chuck said "I'll be damned if the family is going hungry this Christmas"? His voice sounded tired but proud, plus the static over the phone was horrible, seems he plugged into the neighbors access port on their new home , it was raining and he had used the plug wires and the muffler off the KTM he slayed to make the phone call "No G Man is gonna trace this call"...
He had sent me the photo via snail mail, taped to an envelope I had mailed him a, Christmas card on which he had written refused on so as to save postage. I asked if he had read what I had written him and he said, " what for,?you like the picture? I'm bringing home game and your sitting on your ass sending Christmas cards"! But Charles you are staying in this Christmas, so it is up to me to feed the family, we are having a shrimp boil and your going to be eating a motorcycle you killed from your own heard?
If there is such a possibility as exceeding the speed of light its the time it takes my brother to ignore me and move on to subjects that interest him, in this case how he out smarted the wily KTM. "Listen here little brother and I'll tell you how I done it...You see late one night I was pouring nutmeg laced water though my sinus's with my home made Neti Pot and all of a sudden it came clear to me, if I sneak out to the garage at night I can take off the distributor cap on the bike and it will not be able to run and I can get a clear shot and then, belly's full till new years!" "So I put on my favorite sweat pants that the Mrs. sewed tube socks to the feet so my little feet don't feel the chill of the winter, I hitched a couple of bungee cords to the pants Crissy cross around my neck and shoulders, they kinda rub but I have found that a little eases the friction,(I tell you I have a million uses for jelly and all I need to do is come up with one more and I got myself a book) I slithered out the garage and did my business. At first light I put on my hunting attire and lucky hat and sat in my stand across from the overhead door and waited...Finally the Mrs. came out and hit the door opening button and blam, blamblam! I shot the bike dead in its tracks. The Mrs. gave me one of her looks but then I climbed down from my eagles nest and explained my entire plan, she shook her head and told me that the poor bike did not have a distributor cap and would I please put the one back on her car so she could go to work, she then told me Nutmeg if taken in large doses was a hallucinogen and how many times did I Neti last night, I said somewhere around 70 times...She shut her door backed out of the garage shaking her head for I swear the entire time I could see her driving down the street and around the bend". So what are you going to do for Christmas this year I asked, "hunt, I love me some blood sports, have fun with your boil, put plenty of ointment on it." Thanks Chuckles and send recipes JW