Sunday, January 15, 2006

Mole People Kill Sponge Bob


Sponge Bob was found dead, with his face eaten off on a deserted street on the Isle of Celebes. The last sighting of Mr. Square Pants was from a local woman who prefers to remain anonymous “ I saw him cavorting on the beach, happy as a clam, wearing a necklace that looked as if it was made of milk duds, that’s the last I saw him , he gone now, I cry long”.
Maybe Mr Roscoes theory that the 864 toilets flushing at the same time on the equator at 15% longitude’s intervals “ has torn a hole in the fabric of the universe or split the earth’s belly Seppuku style releasing legions of carnivorous mole people with a human blood lust”. Then another post from Roscoe “Moles are in the yard. I should not see them until spring. They keep banging on the doors and windows. Their leader (I guess he is the leader) demands MilkDuds. We’re in some big shit now”!
Maybe we danced with the devil , tempted fate, if I may quote Samuel Clemens
“Now I can only pray that there may be a God--and a heaven--or something better”.
I will be busy looking into these strange happenings and by God if I started the battle of humankind versus the Mole people I will find the silver bullet, I will avenge our lost comrades! The blame lies on my shoulders and I will make good of this tragedy, oh what has my hubris wrought? JWW

36 Comments:

At 10:53 AM , Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

You are a good man Josh...Jesus loves you

 
At 11:20 AM , Blogger matty said...

It is about time someone put that sponge out of his misery. Tho, I do like the concept of a necklace made of milk dudes

 
At 11:37 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Bill: Thanks , I still feel guilty.
Matt: Sponge Bob's blood is on my hands, I feel horrible.

 
At 12:26 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

that's not spongebob, silly. it's a vanillia ice cream with novelty-human-legs for a stick.

now can you PLEASE finish that inventing that pill...

 
At 12:28 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: Thanks but I know you are lying to protect me. Thanks you good people.

 
At 1:09 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

okay you got me. its a human omlette. i swear it is. you know you can trust me, josh.

 
At 1:19 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: I can trust you! I have a ton of money I need someone to hold. I will forward my checking account routing numbers my social security numbers and my mothers maiden name. Finally someone I can trust!

 
At 1:37 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Oh i will need your credit card number too. too busy right now to explain why. just send the number. Gold Amex is best.

 
At 2:10 PM , Anonymous Roscoe said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:22 PM , Blogger scott enema said...

why can't i quit you josh williams?
have you missed me?
meet you again next summer on our fishing trip :)
your cowboy buddy, billyboydee

 
At 3:59 PM , Blogger J to the fucking C said...

Hey! I happen to love me some spongebob.

Bastards.

 
At 7:15 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

It appears that my long time friend has been hacked, he gave me a jingle on the Ameche and let me know what was going on with the latest Roscoe comment. It was not him and he has taken a sabbatical so as to save his computer and reputation. Hell why they hi-jacked his site and not mine is a mystery, I'm the trouble maker of the two, he was just roped into this whole toilet scheme.To all concerned Roscoe is not attacking you if you are attacked, he was not the one who pushed the button that pissed off the mole people it was me, yes me...Roscoe pretty much minded his own business and recounted his tales and then bam!You struck like a terrorist.Time will pass you will grow weary of your own cowardice and then we can move on. Until then I will continue to post and live with the fact that I could have been instrumental in Sponge Bobs demise.

 
At 7:40 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

I removed the Roscoe comment so as to avoid confusion. To quote the hijacker of Roscoes site "what a dick"... very hurtful but I will recover.

 
At 9:25 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Perhaps he was simply complimenting you on the size of your penis Josh?

 
At 5:52 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: First I've known Roscoe for 36 yearsish and I don't think he has ever seen my pee pee unless it was in pre-pubescent humility. But the other part is it was not Roscoe who made the comment so I am certain they have never seen my behemoth. Thanks for the input JW

 
At 1:50 PM , Blogger Calzone said...

I wish I could say the same thing about your penis you sick bastard. "come on over and watch a video"!!

Sure....you freak

 
At 2:23 PM , Blogger ing said...

I don't have much time, Josh, as I'm about to meet the man of my dreams at a booksigning and I don't know if I have anything suitably tight to wear.

To rid youself of the mole problem, you only need the taming love of a good woman. I'll let you know if I'm available/good when I return.

Until then, how 'bout some toast and coffee to go with that omelet?

 
At 4:43 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Calzone: I'm a freak? Your a freak! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

ing:Newspapers,magazines and them books? Theys the worst.I will not play second fiddle to some word smith who does not have the common sense to not polish suede shoes. Hope you had fun and if you bump into Calzone tell him to bugger off!

 
At 7:53 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Josh you are mine for the night. Ing gave you to me. Please get me a beer while you are up.

 
At 11:11 PM , Blogger ing said...

I'm baaaaack. Jane, I hope you got that beer and that I didn't walk in before it was properly delivered.

I didn't bump into Calzone, but I kept an eagle eye.

My wordsmith is right handed, and he used that hand, often, to push his lovely hair out of his lovely eyes. Aaaah.

Give me some time to clear my head. I'm smitten.

 
At 11:34 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Ing i hope he washed that right hand after he used the bathroom...

 
At 5:26 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing: Thanks and I hope it all works out. When Jane speaks of me bringing her a beer its Australian speak for her rubbing my feet.

JJ: Thanks for the foot rub and such. You do have a point the left hand is for wipin' der stakny. But this phonie probably doesnt follow this old rule nor the new one where you was after touching the cookie factory.

 
At 2:46 PM , Blogger kellywalters said...

Hmm... you know.. I think I saw that happen..

 
At 6:10 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roxi: Are you willing to testify? Tell me I aint nuts!

 
At 7:26 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I THINK ALL OF THE 'REGULARS' HERE ARE SO FUNNY. I WONDER IF NOT HAVING A 'REAL' LIFE AND ONLY HAVING A 'BLOGGERS' LIFE IS THE SECRET TO HAVING SUCH WIT? IF SO, I WOULD RATHER HAVE MY HEAD SMASHED BY A BRICK. I ONCE THOUGHT THAT ALL OF YOU SHOULD MEET AND HAVE GROUP SEX - THAT THOUGHT CAUSE ME TO EXPERIENCE PRIAPISM. I AM NOW SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP. DO ANY OF YOU GUYS HAVE SEX OTHER THAN SEX THAT REQUIRES FOUR D-CELL BATTERIES? OR DOES YOUR ADDICTION TO THE INTERNET NOT ALLOW YOU ANY TIME FOR SEX? JUST CURIOUS. I WONDER IF MONKS AND PRIESTS BLOG? IF SO, WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO WARN THE PARENTS OF BOY SCOUTS AND CHOIR BOYS.

 
At 9:07 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

In my day, we didn't have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.

 
At 9:10 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a brick you can borrow.

 
At 9:20 AM , Blogger jungle jane said...

in my day we didn't have vibrators or the internet. We had to jerk off by using our hands and our imagination.

God, i am so glad i don't have a life anymore.

 
At 9:22 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: U good people.

 
At 11:11 AM , Blogger crabcake said...

Anonymous! How can you talk about sex now when SpongeBob is lying dead in the street? Wake up, man! This is a tragedy of monumental proportions here!

The Mole people must be captured and then tortured ....slowly. Possibly with long, wienies.

They took away my dream man. And now they must die!

 
At 11:36 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Crabcake: Anoymous has neither heart or spine.

 
At 2:54 PM , Blogger crabcake said...

What if ...... anonymous is a mole people?

We're gonna need a big stake, and a hammer.

Oh wait. That's for vampires. rats!

How do ya kill a mole? I'll google it.

 
At 6:17 PM , Blogger Friends of McDougal said...

What the shittin' hell is goin' on over here?

 
At 6:19 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

I didn't do it!

 
At 6:50 AM , Blogger Heath Ledger said...

Josh Williams, I think I am in love with you. Fell in love the first time I read you. Why can't I quit you Josh? If you wish to join me in my home for dinner, please text me.

 
At 2:44 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Heath: you have not been dead a week and you choose to comment on this post way in the past. Do you know your dead? I don't think so dead people don't text. Good luck bra JW

 

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