Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Project Toilet is Underway


Well we have all 24 stations set up and manned every 15% along the eqautor. Thanks to all the help from nearly 7,000 volunteers. Heard from Big Bill, sounds like he had a run in with pirates but should be fine.
Each station has 36 remote controlled toilets placed on motionless platforms. (Gyroscopes and shit) Roscoe is circling the globe in aSR-71 Spy Plane and will trigger the toilets at exactly about 5 minutes ago, a milk dud will be dropped in fully one minute before the flush to simulate a very small turd. A digital recorder will remotely be triggered to record each of the864 toilets. All the water has been purified and contains no minerals, other than what milk duds contain.
Why all the trouble? To answer the age old question of which direction will the water spin when flushed on the equator, lefty or righty? The results could take awhile to anaylize but good science takes time. Why did we need a luxury liner? We had the extra funds and for the girls to celibrate with Roscoe after he complete his perilous mission. God Speed Roscoe and I can not wait to start reviewing all the recordings of the toilets. It's been hard work but I am optomistic it will prove worthwhile to humankind. JWW & (Roscoe in absenctia)

32 Comments:

At 12:36 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

oh christ Josh, why didn't you mention this earlier? i could have provided real turds. if you give me 24 hours i might be able to fill a bucket?

 
At 12:57 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Had to keep it supper secret so someone would not to vandalize our 24 stations... Its done, I needed milk duds, real turds are not uniform enough. Thanks JJ your remarkable. JW

 
At 1:27 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

i can shit uniformly! you should have more faith! now, do you want the turds served on ice cream cones or would you prefer plain blobs of poo? more like raw cookie dough?

Talk to me, Josh. i am here for you.

 
At 5:12 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ:You truly have a gift. The Mozart of the stool. However I regretfully have to inform you that the test is over and now all that is left is to study the videos and come to a sound scientific conclusion...JW

 
At 5:29 PM , Blogger kellywalters said...

24 stations..

I guess taco bell is in order?
By the way.. when do I get to start my cruise with my 200 enuches?

I need to get some ass.. You dont think they would mind the black man emulated strap on do you?

 
At 5:54 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roxi: The world is yours!

 
At 7:32 PM , Blogger kellywalters said...

josh- I am soooo fuckin drunk.. please read my post and leave a comment.. tell me what you think

 
At 8:42 PM , Blogger Phats said...

YES!! i am so happy it was a success, I still feel clueless but happy it was a success. Glad I could help.

 
At 1:17 AM , Blogger ing said...

Josh, I'm afraid I have to tell you something. I pretended to go along with this whole scheme because I was under the impression that Roscoe, who laughs most heartily at monkeys, would forget about Jane's gran for a second and realize that he loves me. But now that I discovered that he's been fooling me all along with his talk about being so well-hung (yes, ladies, there's more dud than milk -- the dragon told me), and while Roscoe is indeed handsome of face, I fear I cannot complete the mission.

By the way, I might crash the celebration party afterwards, and Jane, if Roscoe's not too worn out when I'm through with him, of course you can have a go. Anything for you.

Thanks for being so understanding in these perilous times.

 
At 3:24 AM , Blogger Roscoe said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:31 AM , Blogger Roscoe said...

This toilet nonsense will have worked, torn a hole the fabric of the universe, or split the earth’s belly Seppuku style releasing legions of carnivorous mole people with a human blood lust. . . Just a theory.

The airplane was great. The cameras spied every floater in its Milk-Duddy goodness. I don’t know what’s in them but they’re sure tasty. The small Chinese flight suit might have “damaged the goods”.

Ladies grab only your sexiest swimwear. We’re swiping the mother ship for a private cruse while Josh analyses the data. JJ -I’ve grabbed extra cases of rubber sheets and mayonnaise. Roxi – Keelhaul the eunuchs and the plastic man junk. Let. Roscoe Rox your Sox. For crying out loud, don’t sober up. Ing – Dragons lie. Besides baby, sometimes a guy DOES want to cuddle (Yes, that’s it, really.). Nekked Shuffle Board Anyone?

 
At 4:02 AM , Blogger BigBill said...

Hey That
s the SR-71 Blackbird.
I was a Crew Chief in the Air Force on a Tanker Refueler
KC-135-Q. We supported the SR-71. We had to do sorties with them every day when they still used them for recon missions. If you need any more help let me know. i can fly the boom on the tanker and I am not allergic to JP-7 fuel.
Peace out!

 
At 4:06 AM , Blogger BigBill said...

P.S. Since I started the high protien diet I have not had a solid stool in 14 years so if you need any......help or if the milk duds don't work call me...I can be there in a flush...

 
At 5:17 AM , Blogger Calzone said...

hey dude..I cant captain your boat...I'm killing myself

 
At 6:12 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

So if this was your theory Roscoe you still pushed the button? Now your stealing the ship? Sounds like the Roscoe I know , strong work!

JJ:/ing:/Roxi: All out standing work, just be careful with that Roscoe fella , he has appetites and there are only three of you to satiate them!
Phats: So proud of your work, had to keep you in the dark, security and all and you living so close to that big underground supercomputer the mole people might have found you tortured you and played chess on the thing.
Calzone:There will be no seppuku on my watch! You did great and I'm sending you a box of advil cold and sinus as a thank you gift.

Bib Bill: THanks for the help and had I known you where skilled we could have used you in keeping Roscoe flying. Solid stools...Is there any greater satisfaction than creating a pefectly marbled solid stool with good coloring.

Back to the toilet recordings. You all have a great party and thanks for the invite. I toil on... JWW Serious Scientist


In the world of the warrior, seppuku was a deed of bravery that was admirable in a samurai who knew he was defeated, disgraced, or mortally wounded. It meant that he could end his days with his transgressions wiped away and with his reputation not merely intact but actually enhanced. The cutting of the abdomen released the samurai’s spirit in the most dramatic fashion, but it was an extremely painful and unpleasant way to die, and sometimes the samurai who was performing the act asked a loyal comrade to cut off his head at the moment of agony.

 
At 4:27 PM , Blogger ing said...

Roscoe, who said anything about anything beyond cuddling? I just cuddle hard, babe, and I tend to wear the mens out with it. That's all.

Sheesh, one-track.

Looks like you have a boom-flyer (is that what they call them, Big Bill?), which is a big relief, since I was afraid you all would make me drive. Big Bill, you're the designated driver, okay? Now Josh, would you be a gent and fetch Roxi, Jane, Ing, and 200 eunuchs a beer?

And while all that you said is very brave with regards to the act of "seppuku," I hope you won't mind if I instead silently berate myself, should I fail?

 
At 5:00 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

i will not berate or commit seppaku. i live in Australia. we simply blame others and then drink more beer...

 
At 5:52 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ, ing and Roxi: seppaku was just planted in the hopes to lower the population. We need more land and food and most importantly cheap beach front property. You busted me on trying to manipulate the mass's. So be it,I want to live in the mountains and by the sea. All these people are just driving up the property prices beyond the means of a serious scientific type like myself. Kill the Eunuchs and lets drink their beer! Thats a start. JW

 
At 6:09 PM , Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

See you in Hell

 
At 6:17 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Can i have the eunich's hearts? for scientific research? josh you know way more about shit like this than me. are eunich hearts good to test drugs on??

 
At 9:15 PM , Blogger matty said...

Josh! Ing let you down!!

do you still need turds?

 
At 9:27 PM , Blogger Phats said...

Okeh so now what?

 
At 5:52 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Bill the Oppossum:You aint a opposum your a cowboy.

JJ: I will fed ex the hearts, great idea!

Matt: Thanks but I'm already knee deep in shit here. Milk duds work better anyway and taste good.

Phats: I'll send you some of the toilet recordings for you to study and and give me your opinion of what is happening. Maybe Roscoes Mole People theory was not to far off.

 
At 6:32 PM , Blogger kellywalters said...

alright.. someone stole my reeses peices..

I cant do anything without them.. come on guys..

some one cough them up

 
At 11:48 PM , Blogger ing said...

Kaff, kaff.

Ahh, I feel so much lighter now.

 
At 4:32 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Dont taste quite as goog coming up as going down.

 
At 1:11 PM , Blogger Roscoe said...

Moles are in the yard. I should not see them until spring. They keep banging on the doors and windows. Their leader (I guess he is the leader) demands MilkDuds. We’re in some big shit now!

 
At 1:43 PM , Blogger kellywalters said...

thanks. I dont mind eating reguritated candy..

adds a little spice

 
At 2:37 PM , Blogger ing said...

Oh good. I washed them down with some cayenne. And some habanero peppers. And then I saw these walking, talking moles. It was trippy.

 
At 5:23 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is moles eat grubs. The bad news is that...IOIAAHGIHXHF)*YT@#HT*YT+WQ(+@TY_(YEHGH(

 
At 10:41 AM , Blogger jungle jane said...

oh well i already threw my IOIAAHGIHXHF)*YT@#HT*YT+WQ(+@TY_(YEHGH( away. looks like i'm okay...

 
At 10:48 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Jane take shelter and get rid of any milk duds you have!

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home