Monday, January 02, 2006

The Grand Experiment ! The Search for theTruth! Amen!

Bill of Materials:

NEED
186 identical pristine toilets plus at least 10% spares.
24 sea/land rovers worthy of the worst conditions mother nature has to offer.
75 desalination machines (industrial).
24 plus reverse Osmosis machines.
Suits you wear that turns your urine into drinking water.
240 Eunuch volunteers.
864 females.
European navigational system will be up and running by 2012 (in case we fall behind schedule) I like to have some back up and hell Lorans are a dime a dozen grab as many as your shirt will conceal.
864 digital video cameras and some spares,
864 computers attached to some sort of servo system and some spares
I need a good globe.
We need a bunch of self composting toilets as well.
We need at least 40 marine toilets.
We may need food...We need a bunch of food.
Birth control pills, enough for 864 females.
A very modern and attractive micro-wave oven. (maybe two)
A few helicopters.
Someone who is skilled in the uniform creating arts.
400 Gallons of Boddingtons.
More later, I have to do some more head thinkin'.

HAVE
94 second hand bongs. We have $9.12 additional from the sale of Ing's rude video too. Only thing is that it's Australian $
Toilets – ing has pledged some
Toilets – Jungle Jane has pledged some as well
Toilets - Roscoe , cheif engineer and scientific expert. Also has a lead on the 864 pristine prison stainless steal toilets. He has promissed to employ Freak Show Roy to deal with the Russian mafia to aquire these. The others we can use as spares and cute whimsical planters.

More later the list grow its overwhelming but worthwhile. I need to get on the Ameche with Roscoe to discuss our needs and such. Any and all positive suggestions are welcome. JWW

33 Comments:

At 6:11 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Josh i can also contribute a baby seal. lemme know if its useless - i am sure i have a club lying around here somewhere....

 
At 6:25 PM , Blogger ing said...

Have you considered hitting up that Lou Reed fellow? He's endowed with a giant siphoning appendage, and though his kidneys are shot, they might do the trick with the desalination.

You're not going all Jim Jones on me, are you? And if so, how much of that Boddington's do I get?

 
At 6:26 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Lets keep the seal, he could be like a pet or mascot. Plus we will put it on one of the water craft most likely to starve. If they have their wits about them they will learn to live off the regurgitated fish from the seal. Bring the club for protection from Roscoe, the boy can get randy now and then. Thanks you good people JW

 
At 6:31 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

I asked Lou for commodes and he went off on a commodores tangent and was not happy that they split up. Maybe you can convince him.
On the Boddingtons, we need an additonal 200 gallons.( does this please you General ing?)

 
At 7:04 PM , Blogger ing said...

General? Gosh!

200 gallons should do me just fine. I won't need the club, by the way. That Roscoe kid is fine.

 
At 7:22 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing, JJ: You are not only both generals but each commanders of one of my fleet of 24 research vessels. Dont act surprised you know you earned the post's. You each have to name your ships (we call them ships, god knows what the public will call them). Courage JWW

 
At 11:23 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

My ship will be called Queen of the Jungle. She will have a picture of a marijuana leaf on her sail and she shall be painted pink on her hull. Her anchor will be made of hashish and her crew will wear ballet tights. As General Jane I will be firm but fair to all of my crew, except for Roscoe who shall kiss my sweet arse daily...

 
At 5:32 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Very cool! Now you can hold the rank of Admiral or General your choice. So you have your uniform and everything. As for Roscoe I have not spoken with him but I think he will soon be giddy about riding the high seas on the "Queen of the Jungle". Not all ships will be on the water some will be land ships.The experiment will be fraught with imminent peril but that is why I have been careful in choosing my commanders. Solute JWW

 
At 8:00 AM , Blogger matty said...

Will a couple of cattle prods and a dental chair be of any use?

 
At 8:44 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Matt: You read my mind. Yes! Thanks millions! JW

 
At 9:59 AM , Blogger kellywalters said...

dude.. I soooo had the church sign thingy on my site like forever ago..

heheh..

so anyway...

 
At 11:28 AM , Blogger Roscoe said...

Sending Freak Show Roy to Morocco STOP
Procuring used vehicles from Dakar Rally STOP
Russian Trucks Japanese 4x4s Italian motorcycles STOP
Going to Japan / China for electronics STOP
R U hitting on Ing & JJ STOP

 
At 11:43 AM , Blogger Calzone said...

Josh...I thought about you a lot this past week.

I really need that money I fronted you for those pills.

 
At 11:50 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roxi:Do me a favor and pay Calzone the money I owe him and donate something to The Grand Experiment.
Roscoe: Dont Stop!
Calzone: Glad your home Roxi has your money.

 
At 12:52 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Josh i will be General, ta. General Jane. On second thoughts though i would prefer not to have a ship - could i have a large motocycle (900cc should be good) and a big bag of coke?

I have 3 more toilets. I got them from the old age home down the road. they shit their pants so i figured it was a waste of toilets...

 
At 1:01 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

General Jane: Rosoce is at the Dakar as I peck so I will have him snag a big 940 KTM race bike for you, it should already have the GPS and large capicity fuel tank.He will need to pick up some support trucks as well, so I think we have you covered, the extra toliets could be used for seats in the support trucks for extra crew, ropes will serve just fine as safty belts. Since we have not had a wealth of volunteers we are going to have to just start shanghi'"ing" crew.Calzone has volunteered all the coke you desire. Pick your crew, and may the good lord have mercy on them. Strong Work General JW

 
At 1:22 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Can we rely on Calzone, Josh? These dragon types seem so terribly "here today gone tomorrow". Send the bike and ask Roscoe to be a love and get me a beer while he's up would you...

 
At 2:07 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

General-ing: Lou Reed was evasive, you need to find some crew as well, do you want a ship, a land craft of sorts, a motorcyle like Jane? Name your transport. JW

 
At 2:08 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roscoes in Dakar? JJ is there something you are not telling me?

 
At 2:11 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

oh shit. um no. nonononononono you are dead right josh. roscoe is in Dakar. yup. my mistake....

 
At 2:50 PM , Blogger ing said...

Josh, here's what I require:

I would like a Class A Brigatine. She shall be christened The Star of Central Indiana.

I'll need forty broadswords, eighty pairs of epaulettes, three parrots, 200 gallons of Boddingtons (as per our agreement), a small but goodly movie theather and onboard library, approx. twenty eye patches and six peg legs, a few of those poofy blouses, a concertina (this, for Roscoe to play whilst entertaining the crew in his poofy blouse), a white whale, an albatross, some dragon chow, and an AK47. Also, please, an additional cute outfit for me.

I'm preparing to stride lustily along the bay, far and nigh, recruiting members.

General ing, over and out.

 
At 4:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress

 
At 4:36 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

nice work, Ing. Josh i have finished my list too:

i need heaps of petrol for the bike and someone to keep the spokes gleaming. i need drugs - lots of them. i need mirrors, razorblades, rolling papers, rolled up dollar notes and a very sharp knife. I need cheech and chang DVD's, a few Guns 'n Roses CD's, a bunch of cute cheerleaders and a small brown armadillo.

let me know when we are ready to do whatever it is we are going to do so as i have plenty of time to warm up the Harley...

 
At 5:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

According to sources, BBD gave out toothbrushes for Halloween:

"Its totally true. Everyone else was giving snickers and m&ms and stuff. I knocked on his door and this guy wearing socks under his sandals opened it up. He didnt even pass out apples. Just toothbrushes."

--Henry Strom, age 11

"Yeah and his socks had holes in them. His apartment smelled funny too"

--Jenny Strom, age 10

 
At 5:17 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: Well technically Roscoe was in Morocco in route to Dakar, for a minute I thought you two where getting' jiggy and shit.
ing: Tall order I'll pass it by Rosoce but I think most of what you ask for is reasonable.
Anonymous: That has to be the best profile I have ever read on anonymous! There is hope for you yet my eunuch friend.
JJ: Your list makes perfect sense until you reached the part about the Harley. Your a strong woman and the terrain you will be assigned to requires something along the lines of the KTM 950, with all the bells and whistles, it will climb a mountain not asking for a road for aid. The Harley, I will give you to cruise around on in the parades and such after the Grand Experiment. Deal?
The moment I find a good globe of the Earth, find Roscoe (gone missing) maybe we can start and finish this project, it wont take long and will be worth all the effort. JW

 
At 5:22 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Anonyomous duo: Now that is some good info, is this info reliable? I hope so. A very heart warming tale.

 
At 6:28 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Josh, I have a globe. i will send it to you with Roscoe - he's just leaving....

 
At 6:30 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

OH FUCK. what i meant to say is he's just leaving um...er...morocco. where i left the globe. when i was there 2 weeks ago. anyway. i won't bore you with the detail...just send the Harley and the KTM950...

 
At 6:37 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: As long as you think that its the smart thing to do?

 
At 6:38 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Josh i am tiring of my suzuki SV650. its a bit girly, you know...

 
At 6:52 PM , Blogger matty said...

Josh, thank you! I am honored to serve! I have only one thruster on hand and I fear it may be a bit too small for the coming mission. However, I've a connection who can supply me with more than enough fully greased thrusters. This will come at a great personal cost, but as a master and commander I am willing to make the sacrifice.

Might we have a need for a crate of large vibrating orbs? I might be able to get them as a part of the deal!

Awaiting orders and at the ready!

 
At 7:06 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Matt! Give me the orbs! i beg you! i LOVE vibrating butt plugs...

 
At 7:15 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: Your bikes are in route.
Matt: By thrusters I meant , well picture a boats propeller. I think we will move your rank up to Captain, you have shown a strong ability to adapt, which word on the streets is a sign of being smart. As for orbs I just need one accurate globe of the earth. If it vibrated I might drop it, most certainly if it was lubricated. So see what you can get for those on ebay and we will use the funds for bootleg caviar.

 

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