Thursday, December 22, 2005

"Our town is turning to shit"


I thought I made myself and my friends some FU money. Money where you can quit your 9 to 5 and finally fulfill your full potential, chase your wildest dreams. Well the check cleared eleventy billion dollars! I rolled in it, ate some (after I examined it with a black light) and fired up some Cohibas, the regular nuvo riche shite. Then I saw what they are doing to my city! They are building really old looking abandoned gas stations, this crazy bastard is going to take eleventy square miles and build 30,000 faux abandoned gas stations! I wretched when I heard this!
I came up with a plan. I am going to take the money (all of it) and pay a retaing fee to every lawyer in the US of A ! At which point I will have the freedom to speak my mind. I will then run out of money and go back to what I was doing in the first place. Gosh life is such a circle. JW

48 Comments:

At 9:12 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Can you scrape off a few notes for me please? i've run out of cocaine...

 
At 10:15 PM , Blogger ing said...

Me too, a few notes? I'm all out of rolling papers.

 
At 10:47 PM , Blogger ing said...

Oh, and Josh, where can I find your Slocum review? Because you do know, don't you, that you're my favorite book reviewer ever?

 
At 6:39 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

JJ: OK youo called my bluff, I gave the money to Roscoe to hold and divey out as he saw fit. SO I'll have him send you a few notes.

ing:Favorite book reviewer? ROSCOE SEND THIS GAL SOME JING! Now as for the review you can find the skeleton of the review in the October archives on this site "Pith Helmets and Hula Poppers" or if you go on Amazon and search for the book , I reviewed the first hardcover in line.The reveiw is about the third review down, I just checked and 2 of three readers found it helpful. Roscoe send her the notes. Thanks to all JW

 
At 9:27 AM , Blogger Phats said...

HEY! Where the hell is my money, I live in this pit we call we a state.

Have a great holiday Josh!

 
At 10:51 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Phats: I turned it all over to Roscoe and have not heard from him? Have a good holiday and I'll do some more research. JW

 
At 11:41 AM , Blogger jungle jane said...

I had a word with roscoe, josh. he has found the Lord and donated the lot to the Church. I think its a lovely gesture at this time of the year....

 
At 11:47 AM , Blogger Chuck Dawson said...

Can I have some duckets too?
Bible pages make lousy rolling papers.

I love Neil Cassady. He died trying to count the railroad ties between two towns, 15 miles apart. I believe it was either on a bet or a dare. He died in San Miguel De Allende.

peace,
CD

 
At 11:59 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Yeah sure the Church Of Roscoe and Jungle Jane, I should have knowed better. Give back my jing!

 
At 12:00 PM , Blogger Roscoe said...

God bless everyone!! Ffeliz Noviblog!! See ya suckers!!!

 
At 12:04 PM , Blogger Roscoe said...

Camper's got new tires. . . WAAHOO!!!

 
At 12:12 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Gang Roscoes done stole our money! I propose a bounty on his theiving head!

 
At 12:14 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Jane are you in on this? Its OK if you are just surrender his whereabouts and you will get your fair share. This could get ugly, really ugly.

 
At 12:38 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

who me dude? jesus josh, like i would bite the hand that writes my book forwards. i am a Child of Christ - you can trust me man...

 
At 12:59 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

I'm sorry Jane I'm just very confused and well to be frank I kinda liked being rich and powerfull. Next book forward if you will still have me will be better than any I have done yet! Distraught in the gutter JWW

 
At 1:06 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

it sounds like you are questioning your sexuality josh. it's okay to be gay, you know...

 
At 1:22 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

I know thats all fine and dandy and Iwould be except for the kissing dudes and stuff, not iin my barrel of fun. No, I think I just miss my money.

 
At 1:34 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

have you considered pimping roscoe, josh? easy money...

 
At 1:56 PM , Blogger Roscoe said...

Jane – Don’t be cruel. I’m headed south (know what I mean?)

 
At 2:00 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Just where south Roscoe where will you be so I can hook up (you know what I mean) Jane

 
At 2:04 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

i don't know what either of yous is on about. i am a Child of Christ. South sounds rude and i don't do rude...

 
At 3:15 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Here in America of the United States South means the opposite of North. I just got off the Ameche with Roscoe and he is all cocky and acting like he is going to get away with the cash. Not gonna happen. Jungle Jane I have to tell you does a child of Christ sacrafice babies? So they can buy coke? Nope. Here is what happened, you and Roscoe set me up and I am not sure how but I am going to put a bounty out on the both of you!Roscoe probably put you under one of his mind spells so I can not and will not hold a grudge. Roscoe on the other hand has alot of splainin' to do and I may not talk to him, till after the holidays just so he knows I mean business.
We can make this nice and easy or we can make it not...nice and easy...mean and tuff thats it mean and tuff! I demand my $!!!! Kind Regards and Happy Holidays JWW

 
At 5:08 PM , Blogger Roscoe said...

That’s enough negativity! You’ve ruined Xmas!

 
At 6:09 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Bullshit! Christmas is so not ruined, just give me back my share of the Jing and all will be Jolly. For crying out loud, pal you can trust me as we walk towards the dumpster with me a few paces behind recounting cute stories from our past.( Ignore the bang sound) Trust me Roscoe, this is the season of forgingness's. So anyhows lets meet up and have some holiday fun! Your where? Who is with you and do you still carry a gun? HoHoHo Merry Christmas! Fund is a four letter word, funds is six or five one of the three. Get the point? Let me know what it is so I know.
Trust me I would never "off" you for stealing billions! Really , kinda probably ...Why I otta! Happy Holidays JW

 
At 10:16 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

josh you mean something to me. i have no money but you can have my cat. are we cool?

 
At 4:38 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

OK, and as a gesture of goodwill you keep you beloved gato, cause fact is, I am allergic.

 
At 7:17 AM , Blogger Roscoe said...

I’m not going to come back so you can shoot me. You’ve promised before and you shot me anyway. They didn’t shoot Martha for her swipe. She vacationed for six months and won some ankle jewelry. NO SHOOTING HER. That Enron guy didn’t get shot. NO SHOOTIN’.

 
At 10:23 AM , Blogger jungle jane said...

roscoe get me a beer while you are up?

josh we wish you were here. no really man...we do.

 
At 11:50 AM , Blogger kellywalters said...

merry christmas honey!

Hope your holidays are wonderful and bright!

peace!

Love,
Roximoon

 
At 8:40 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Roxie: same to ya x 10 plus 4.

Now JJ and Roscoe: I have not used this expression in a while. Fuck you you fucking fuck face's! So you skipped with my money, took my book deal and Roscoe is apparently hanging at a beach with a foxy former "friend" Merry Christmas! Dan! Did you hear that? Yeap that cracking ice sound was my heart breaking. I am so alone these holidays I may have to call a 900#...Thanks to JJ and Roscoe aka Bonnie and slime. (No offense intended) Fuckers!

 
At 11:45 PM , Blogger ing said...

Josh:

You were very brave indeed, young fellow, that day at Crappie Cove.

Sail on, brother. I have to buy me another book, because make that 3 out of 4.

 
At 11:48 PM , Blogger ing said...

p.s. Sorry about your cracking heart, but nobody can tame that Jungle gal.

 
At 1:37 AM , Blogger jungle jane said...

chill, josh. you need to pop some downers, dude. you are way too strung out...you hear what i am saying?

roscoe is also my dad's name. it's just a bizarre co-incidence. i wouldn't fuck you over josh. are we cool?

 
At 7:11 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing: Thanks for your kind words and yes I am known for my bravery and selflessness'sss.

JJ: Yeah I've been a little nervy, huh Roscoe your dads name thats cool, wait till Roscoe reads or I reach him on the Ameche and tell him. Now by popping downers do you mean killing depressing people? That sounds a little drastic, where does one get a prescription for this form of thearpy? Roscoe, I apologise I dissed ya man. I back and well grounded. Trust me. JWW

 
At 7:44 AM , Blogger ing said...

Josh, about those shirts you got for Christmas -- are they as tight as Chuck Dawson's shirt? Don't put 'em in the dryer.

 
At 12:03 PM , Blogger Roscoe said...

MERRY chrispnut everyone. The spirits kickin in. Family has gathered gfor my holiday intervention.. .err. . .celebration.

Ing – Don’t believ that fibber Josh. There’s more than one of that fiss tory…Check his archive. Vcheck my archive, damn, I’ll tell you the skinny.

Roxi – Thinking about you and yours. Best wishes.

Josh – Buddypal, I’ll se nd back your money. . . most of it anywy I spend some on tires. Then I spent some on strippers. When I got to JJ’s, Iwe spent somemore. . . alot. Boy she’s fun! HEY JJ, SMOOCH!! I’m going to keep some and spend it more on strippers. Do what she says and take pills. . . and and party dust.

JJ – Roscoe is your dad’s name, my granddad’s and my name. JJ, you’re the best ever but I’ve got to jump on the wagon again. . .one day at a time, you know. It’s my doing. Don’t get me wrong, I found fun in rehab an it’il be good to see the old gang again. I’ll tell that first time story later. JJ, you’re the best ever, yup I said that.

Josh – Buddy buddypal, I’m going to need some cash to get back because I spent a lot. I didn’t count on theater tickets being so expensive. At first, that donkey seemed confused but then he was real happy. I figure after expensives, I’ll get you about $84 US. Not bad.

 
At 2:56 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

Roscoe i just found out that my dad is your grandad. which makes what we were doing quite sick. i even think it's illegal in south australia...

josh i think some nice LSD will fix those nerves of yours. try it - you have nothing to lose

 
At 6:32 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing: Thanks for the adivce but hell If they are to tight into the dumpster and since I think I have some pretty damn feral feramones (sp) I never wash my shirts. Chicks really dig my essence.
JJ: How did you know I had nothing to lose?
Roscoe: Yeap, I show up for your intervention and you stiff me on the tab! Owe and how about my $84. left from the fortune I intrusted you with. Kind Regard to all JW

 
At 8:21 PM , Blogger ing said...

JW and Roscoe:

What are you smkoing? Can I have some? And a pinch for my friend JJ, yeap.

 
At 10:57 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

nice one, ing. can you see if josh can spare a couple of beers too??

 
At 5:37 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing and JJ: Roscoe gets the smokin' stuff. All he would tell me was that part of the ingredients contain ground up bones from some undiscovered catacombs in Paris smoked through some really old looking femurs I found laying on one of the ancient flat parts of Peru. The real secret ingredient he will not share~`He just convulses in laughing fits and then pass's out. I have quit asking for fear of what it is but dang it's the ticket! The beer, hell yeah I'll float ya some beers, what’s your brand. Bud? JW

 
At 9:42 AM , Blogger ing said...

I'll have a Chimay, please. Josh, will you tell that Roscoe kid to pour it real slow?

Vielen dank,

 
At 10:08 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing:your welcome. An excellant lambic ale, Roscoe does not pour anything slow so get ready for a lot of head and a gob full of yeast.

 
At 12:01 PM , Blogger Chuck Dawson said...

Hey man, I like to smoke things! Hook a brother up.

 
At 12:25 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

No Problem, I still havn't wrenched Roscoes secret ingredient from his magic potion addled mind.

 
At 1:30 PM , Blogger jungle jane said...

I like cheap piss best - metholated spirits is fine too if the bar is dry...

 
At 1:35 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Dont forget sterno.

 
At 2:58 PM , Blogger FFFrapgirl said...

That is a great plan you rich fucker!

 

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