Monday, August 20, 2007

My Abode Was Violated I Think...


I stepped into the village for a salad and some beer; I walked home being it is only 6 1/2 minutes, at least to the pub.
I entered my wooden porch gate open my unlocked door and there stood a man directly in front of me, he said "oh shit" hit me closed fist in the jaw I slipped on my deck he ran past me and I began pursuit. I saw him running around the opposite end of the house so I ran back and bolted down the street when a man walking his dog asked what was going on, he sounded a bit startled. I told him an abbreviated version and he said the guy ran down the street and turned right. I ran to the corner the guy was gone...I went back to my house and looked around up and down and could not find anything that was missing, which means if its missing I don’t know yet. I grabbed a large flash light great for defense as well and went on the hunt. No sooner than I rounded the corner of the purp. a Fire truck and police car pulled up looking for a certain address, me being vain thought they were there to help me, I gave them directions to their emergency and told them my story and they called the police. Not to long after a police car pulled up, listened to my tale and by then the dog walker showed back up to share his version, my neighbor was there to watch, listen and learn.
According to the dog walker the perp was 6' athletic and ran like the wind, to me he looked the same, he was fast, the officer suggested drugs or my neighbor who is a psychologist by trade, one of them said a druggy can remain very fit for awhile until it all falls down. I'm fine, I slipped when I was hit, I was to busy trying to figure out which recently divorced buddy was moving in to think I should put up my dukes...I almost had the guy in my grip, so its best he got away...right? I don’t know what he did in my house, should I wash my soap? Who knows, he was clean cut, glass’s and he did run like the wind, he came in the back way to my house which makes me think he has watched it for awhile, seventeen years in the same place and this is the first unknown intruder…I agreed with my neighbors that we need to have a neighborhood watch, it’s a good neighborhood but now its time for a watch…I suppose it had to happen to me to become interested in such a thing but now that I am I will recruit some of my cronies and we will have a great time watching our neighbors….This is all based on fact as of 8/20/07 JW

29 Comments:

At 7:42 PM , Blogger Mom! Toilets blogged! said...

This is not the kind of action I was looking for, this is in fact all bad news. We want Erin!
Mom

 
At 3:17 AM , Blogger Mone said...

Wow Josh, you are lucky you werent really hurt!

 
At 4:13 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

toliets: You of course know Erin has a blog site of her own.

Mone: the scondrel stole my keys (PLUS MY MINI LEATHERMAN!) I had left laying on the counter so I have already changed the lock on the back door and have change ,more locks find spare keys, what a pain in the arse. I almost had the monster in my death grip, but he slipped away as I slipped from his punch to my jaw. I really just stood facing him trying to figure out who he was, then blam! I realized it was go time and he was already going. The weather stripping was damaged on the bottom of my storm door, I repaired that this morning as well. Thnaks for your concern, if you see a man in his twenties about 6' tall shorts and t shirt, glass's dark hair let me know, thats the guy!

 
At 8:14 AM , Blogger EBEZP said...

Obviously neighbourhood watch needed - how else do your neighbours tell the time?

 
At 9:38 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ebezp: You see its a very poor neighborhood, so we are going to have to pool our money for a used watch. We are so tired of being late for everything.

 
At 3:17 PM , Blogger ~d said...

Mother effin ME! I will come upthere (you are north of me, huh?) and kick some UNKNOWN INTRUDER BUTT! HOW dare ANYone mess with (my) J♥W♥W♥

*You think I am kidding?!? TEST ME!!!

 
At 3:31 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

~d: Why thankee! I have been in touch with a number of the neighbors, apparently there has been a rash of break ins and most of them the perps just take what they can stick in their pockets, so as not to be seen walking down the street with a 60" Plasma. I think the perp is a local as in the hood,he will be caught. If we need help I know who to call and thanks.Tomorrow I will recruit some of my more rough cut neighbors, the loose cannons who you want on your side, tonight I sleep the sleep of the just. Thanks again you good people JW

 
At 3:35 PM , Blogger zen wizard said...

If it was me I would not consume anything that was not sealed; I would throw it away.

But this sounds like a reconnaisance mission. I.e., he was casing out the place.

He wasn't a pro, I would think, or HE would have had a flash light. Or at least a pen light.

I am agreeing with the "druggie" prognosis.

Have you screwed anybody over lately? Or, rather, did they PERCEIVE that you did? Like, stolen somebody's old lady? It probably wasn't that because then when you came in, he would have jumped you out of nowhere.

You could get a really big assed dog that barks a lot from the Humane Society or whatever.

Best burglar alarm Kibbles & Bits can buy...

 
At 3:45 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Zen: A dog which I love dogs is a great idea other than my abscence would cause problems. I think it was recon as well, he was very surprised when I opened the storm door, what puzzels me and why I think it was a local is that he knew when I was gone, gone not more than an hour? He ran on my deck which was wet from rain and had wet leaves all over it, It was slick as hell, he ran through the dark in my yard out the other side without stumbling, I have the dog walker to back me up.The deck is slick, I slipped when he hit me, my yard is not a cake walk and the side yard is a landscaping project in progress, the guy had to be hopped up, nobody runs that fast over all these ankle breakers unless he is on I would guess crack. No dogs but I did turn on my outside lights and locked the door...Thanks

 
At 7:09 PM , Blogger ing said...

I just hope he didn't find your plans to run the world!

I was once robbed in Seattle. Well, I wasn't home and technically, since I lived in the basement & the robber didn't know there was a room down there, I wasn't robbed a 'tall. But my boyfriend was home at the time, and he'd just gone up to the kitchen to make tea. The robber was coming down from the second floor, dragging a very large bag. My boyfriend asked the guy who he was, and the guy made up a story about how he was a "friend of S______'s" (he'd seen her mail).

The boyfriend, being rather scheming and dashing and brave, pretended to go along with this story until the robber made his nervous retreat. Then the boyfriend grabbed a mop and, yelling "Stop thief!", launched the mop like a javelin, hitting the robber smack between the shoulder blades.

The robber freaked out, dropped the bag, and limped off, I guess thinking he'd been shot.

As you can see, I only date major heroes.

Josh, do you know how to read Tarot cards? I've posted the cards as they were dealt to me, and I thought that you, being the you that you are, could provide some insight.

Thankee.

 
At 2:59 AM , Blogger AphotoAday said...

Whew, that was quite an adventure... Stay safe...

 
At 8:55 AM , Blogger ~d said...

OOhHhh!
I have to admit Zen's paranoia is (actually) QUITE RIGHT ON. Good point!
*Word UP, brother! If you need (me) I got your back!

 
At 10:49 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

ing:I swept my deck and left the broom near the door just in case.

aphotoaday: It broke up the evening pretty well.

~d: Thankee, you think zen is paranoid? or is he just perceptive? Thanks again, I'll let you know, I think I will rewatch Karate Kid just to brush up on my Martial arts.

 
At 1:27 PM , Blogger SleekPelt said...

Good lord! The one time my Bloglines fails to tell me you've updated My Mule and I miss this!? I too am glad that you're okay, brother. I certainly hope your brand-new (to you) KaTooM is all well and good as well. He didn't get the key for that, did he?

 
At 4:00 PM , Blogger Mom! Toilets blogged! said...

BORING, Josh made this story up to get chicks to worry about him.
Ewwww Poor Little Joshie.....
Pet pet pet, coddle coddle coddle.
I got Gout! And Phyapedigo! Plus I lost my car keys! I'm out of beer and my dial up internet is slow!
Mom

 
At 4:06 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Sleek: Ole Katoom is safe and sound.

Toilets: When you are finished being a turd, I will talk to you again! So when do my birthday gifts arrive? I still have the photo of you when you had a permanent...

 
At 5:24 PM , Blogger Mom! Toilets blogged! said...

Ewww yes, I remember those photos.
But technically I didn't have a perm, I was actually in the process of getting one.
Any hooo, nuff said, I'm shut up and good now.
Maybe you would like me to come sit out side your back door for protection?
What ever I gotta do to keep those photos private.
Mom

 
At 5:51 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Toilets: Excellent!

 
At 8:52 PM , Blogger The Fool said...

Glad you're okay, and all's mostly cool. Now...how about the story behind that photo?

:)

 
At 6:29 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Fool: Yes all is mostly well, the gentleman in the photo is my brother inlaw.Taken a couple of Christmas's ago.One of his gifts was a used hard hat, and apparently some sort of trousers. It is his habit to try on everything at once, what this photo symbolize's to me is the old saying, dont get caught with your pants down, like I did walking into my home to be greeted by a knuckle sandwich. So that is the story of the photo.

 
At 1:00 PM , Blogger matty said...

Man! This is not good!

I've been almost mugged twice and nearly attacked 3 times since I moved to SF -- and each time I have fought. Instinct.

Luckily, I won each time. But, I have vowed that I will no longer fight. I will let them take what they want because you never know what they might be able to do.

So, Commander Josh -- take care.

...and change all of your locks if you haven't already done so!

I think you should activate the Neighborhood Watch into a suburban army.

...this is my suggestion.

Glad you're safe!

 
At 1:00 PM , Blogger matty said...

Oh, and I hope you replaced your toothbrush!

(another suggestion)

 
At 3:40 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

matty: Yes the neighborhood is on the watch and funny you should mention it I just bought new heads for my tooth brush. I dont want a picture to arrive in a few weeks of my old tooth brush in dark places. Thanks for your concern. I was mugged in an elevator, I was going to stand my ground and fight but then I looked down and the guy had a box knife, I had sixty dollars, I thought he could cut my throat I gave him my money. He helped him restart the elevator and he was more nervous than I was...I told my friend about it, the drinks were on them, so it was a wash when I think about it...But as a rule give them what they want you are right, who needs to prove anything.

 
At 12:41 AM , Blogger Mone said...

I've just seen a totally drunk dude in his twenties, about 6'tall, shorts and t shirt, glass's and dark hair. Did you check the whiskey barrels? Are you sure there is none missing?

 
At 2:40 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

mone: Come to think of it and I do not know I missed it the first time he did have a barrel under one arm, my barrel, my sweet, sweet nectar, gone!

 
At 3:40 AM , Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

What the hell is going on inside your brain, Williams?

There's beer, the theatre of the absurd, the laughing fat lady, fisticuffs, chicks ....

I want to go in there!

 
At 3:40 AM , Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

Do you have a mustache? Will you rub it on my tummy?

 
At 4:11 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Erin: Your welcome anytime, its spacious in here, a little dark and dank, could use a good cleaning. I can grow a mustache or glue one on no prob.

 
At 1:40 PM , Blogger Phats said...

Wow Crazy night man, glad you're OK. I had my car broke into once, but that is as close as I can relate.

Salad and beer? Interesting combo

 

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