Thursday, October 30, 2008

Vote and I will Tell you Why!

Of course this has nothing to do with politics but does contain some pretty damn good science.
Three weeks ago I was eating a banana and drinking coffee in my home office. The fact that my home office is on the upper level I did not feel like walking down the stairs to throw away a soft quick to rot banana peel, so I thought "hell just flush it down the crapper" which I did and well you know this was just bad science.
First of all we all know Thomas Crapper invented the flush toilet, Mr Crapper would probably be rolling in is grave if he discovered that someone from an advanced society would dare try to flush a banana peel down a toilet.
In my own defense I have to say, if you lay a banana on say, a bed stand, within three weeks it has withered into nothing but dead fruit flies and a waning bad odor.
However the waters of the crapper are like those of the sea, always willing to teach you a new lesson.
Lesson learned, now Poseidon of the Crapper will you grant me a pardon, I knew bananas where supposed to be bad luck on a boat, but I was not trying to sail anything in my half bath. Forgive me and I will promise never to try to flush a banana peel down the crapper again.Unless forced at gunpoint of course and...well all bets are off at this point, I have to go through the motions stall wait for the moment and disarm the bandits. Thanks in advance Poseidon, your buddy JW



At 4:35 AM , Blogger josh williams said...

Nov 4 2008 AM ... Election day and also and more importantly I finally got the banana peel to flush. The sun she is shinning its going to be a grand day!

At 2:10 PM , Blogger Zen Wizard said...

The only non-porous items I flush down the toilet are cockroaches.

In my apartment, they died a slow painful death by boric acid, so I figure they deserve a burial-at-sea. (That and roaches are cannibals so if they are in the garbage they are food for other roaches--the boric acid which eats into the carcass of the dead roach and in theory poisons the new roach notwithstanding.)

I had this one roommate who flushed razors and shaving cartridges down the toilet.

He was an old guy.

I tried to talk him out of it. He kept saying, "Yes, but if you flush them down the toilet, no one will cut themselves on them."

Great idea Einstein except some of the stuff you flushed were SAFETY RAZORS.

It would take like ten flushes for them to go down. The rest of the time you were layin' a turd on top of the safety cartridge that just laid there, taunting you.

Man that apartment sucked--for that and other reasons. It was in Hollywood but I'm not gay. Long story. Not a long story as to why I'm not gay. Long story as to what the #Uck I was doing in downtown Hollywood.

At 4:20 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Zen: I do not know what you were doing in downtown Hollywood living with some "old guy" but it makes a good story...I really do not think toilet humor is all used up...

At 9:59 AM , Blogger Zen Wizard said...

There was an old hippie guy from San Francisco and this young Swedish prick who was supposedly going to film school.

They eventually banded together against me and got the landlord to kick me out.

Good times...

At 3:10 PM , Blogger josh williams said...

Zen: I just had a couple of beers with a buddy who is a chiropractor, he showed me the end of his finger that was nicely shaved, a good even scab. He apparently was stuffing his travel kit to visit his gal in Grand Rapids and ran the tip of his fingers across the sharp end of the five bladed high tech razor.
Zen I am going to level with you. There aint nothing safe , we have been, and continue to live in a society gone mad or stupid or a dangerous combination of both. These are times and there were times when we had to watch our backs. The tradition and conditioning continue. Peace JW

At 1:52 PM , Blogger Zen Wizard said...

Okay, I would not give a Schick Quatro to a five-year-old and tell him it was a toy.

But flushing them down the toilet...wait, that was another lifetime ago; do I still give a crap?

What pissed me off about this dude was his sense of entitlement--you had to be there; it was like he had a divine right as an American to flush a cartridge down a toilet. Like as if, if they had written the Magna Carta today it would say something about flushing a cartridge down a toilet. I mean he considered that part of "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness."

Back in the day when they used to have those dangerous disposable razors I remember there was this little doo-hickey in the back of the case where you disposed of them.

Now I think the only people who use those kind of razors use them to chop up coke.


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